thedude023's profile

It needs work, you probably want to put more thought into this one because I did not get the message or purpose of the poem.

Your poem was done well, I was no where near the message that the poem was trying to relay until the very last part which kept getting darker and involving a dance of torture.

I read it twice and at first, the poem sound like it was describing a slow death but after a more slow read through it described to me the emotions of going through so much pain and anquish to satisfy a debt. This a poem that you have to read again to understand.

You can tell that this is a incomplete story however it doesn't read up like a romance because doesn't have those type of elements. It reads more like a journal entry about a teenage girl meeting that one special guy that is above all others in her book. the problem is around the ending, all this time of describing how its like to be around "that Guy" but it does not get to the point. If your going to make it like a romance, you need to have story, characters, and a overall plot to be enjoyab...