Awesome job with the descriptions. You do a pretty good job of adding visuals without being to heavy with it. I could almost feel like I was there watching her, so that is very well done. You also did a good job leaving that mystery going, who is the "he" and so on and so forth. The only thing I noticed that stood out to me was the use of siesta. I would use something different here. It just does not fit with the rest of the descriptive words, and gives a different feeling. At least in my min...

As there are so many pages I am going to write what I see as I see it, so stick with me. So far there dont seem to be many errors. Sometimes it seems a little bare of detail, but it is not to bad. page 4- The storm moves in awfully fast, unnaturally so, but maybe it is supposed to. Page 5- "he’d die with in hours. " it should be within. More detail on Caspian might be good. Page 6- I would not use the word 'coronary' as many people will not know what it is at first. You would be surprised at ...

I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the tone you had set and the voice you used in the narrative. It gave it a believable feeling. Good job, many writers have trouble with a "personal" voice rather than just an outside narrative. I really want to read more. There were a couple of things I saw and thought I would point them out to you. "She and Trulee loved trying out new ways for cooking anything." at the end of that I would probably change 'for' to 'of' Page two - "we all walk inside the ...

Page 1- "The knowledge that he knew something they didn’t?" I wouldn't put a question mark there. Possible a semi colon if you want it emphasis the word 'intoxicating'. Page 2- "Weaver opened the heavy oak door with a grunt and stepped in the tavern," I would change 'in' to 'into' to be more grammatically correct. "A few there that night, though not as many as a weekend would bring." -there were a few there...maybe? All through-out the story you could use more detail about what was happening ...

Good story! Well written and had a very interesting plot. The end is a little confusing though. I had trouble puzzling it out, with the lady and the thousand bucks. I might suggest on some how making it a little more clearer, though now that I know what you meant, it seems perfectly fine. Either way, awesome job on the story and well written.

Great job! That was amazingly creative in a way, taking a story from the bible and filling the gaps. This was well done and very good. It looked as if you did a little research to do things right, so good job on that. There were a few spelling mistakes here and there that you might want to go through and correct. Maybe a little more filler detail as well in a few places, but other than that nothing came to mind. I think this is one of my favorites. Great job!!

You have a good start here. I would probably make chapter one a little bit longer and adding more to it, stretching things out to make the reader feel it. You have a confusing beginning here, just leaping into the middle of things, sometimes this works, but with the lack of anything going on it does not work so well. Maybe I would fill out the dream a little more, adding more detail, talk about the marks on her back, what do they look like? Do they sting? Burn? Is her back covered from previo...

Good story. You have a pretty great plot idea here and I liked the story idea. There were a handful of things that I noticed that I would suggest to you. First off, you have Michael "falling in love" yet you portray him, in my mind, as nothing more than a small child. Much to small for that. I would tweak things and make him a bit older, probably mid to late teens. You also don't say anything about his parents. It might be good to have a line in there saying he lived with his grandfather beca...

That is really good. I read through it once before reading the notes and thought it might have been a lover, but then reading the notes really clarified. You manage to pack a lot of stuff into this one tiny poem, which is really good. You dont drag it out with detail. Good job.

That was well written. I liked reading it. It seemed a little bit long though, and sometimes it seemed less poetry and more just your own thoughts. I dont think I would suggest you change that, in this case it seems to be okay, but when writing poetry we must be careful not to run with dialogue or story in a poetry format.