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theothegiant's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Jackson, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 01
LOC: Jackson, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 01
I am an aspiring writer who mostly writes free verse, but have dabbled in rhyming poetry, haiku and other styles. At the present, I am developing on a comic book with an great artist from England. You can check out more of my stuff at my website, todayisee.blogspot.com.
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Version 1
12 Reviews
0 Comments
We made eye contact right before I flew out the window to dance on the clouds. You laughed and wished you could join my revelry but knew your father would never approve.
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This is extremely rough, it could use a lot of slashing. The best advice I have ever recieved was when someone asked me if I could defend every word I write, so go back into this poem and see how many of the words that you can defend. The images are really good it just gets lost a little in the words that you are using.
It made me laugh at first and then I felt bad for laughing. It was light-hearted and fun at first but then it just got really sad. I liked it in a weird way.
This poem is very spiteful and I can feel your anger; however, it just seems to be a little bit too angry and personal to be a good poem for publishing. I bet it was good therapy though. The rhyme scheme was interesting although whether you right bullshit or shit it is still the same thing and makes it seem redundant.
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