thesilencescr's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Monroe, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 18
LOC: Monroe, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 18
My name is Dustin I am 16 years old and I love music! I love poetry too but most of my writting is very dark…
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
6 Comments
"I never gave so much" He thought as He walked through the door. He never wanted anything but always needed more. His name was Fear, and you would feel Alone if he was near. Fear led an interesting life all to end amongst the dead, but in the end we all must see red. "I never cared so little" she said as she stood in the hall. She asked for everything but didn't need anything at all. Her name was Alone, she had blue eyes and a heart of stone. Alone showed no interest in this cold pocket knife...
Version 1
7 Reviews
10 Comments
Death shines the brightest of colors, Ending life and parting lovers. If I don't wake it won't be a shame, No more nights alone in pain. Welcome dark abyss I'll disappear, I'm waiting, paralyzed by fear. Memories like fire, burn my eyes, Is our friendship truly a lie? I would have died for you to live, I would give all I had to give. Now like a candle memory fades, So we forget promises made. I am crawling, Begging for you to see, But you don't, You look right past me. So I give up On this co...
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Their was a murder on your mind, Always moving and so hard to find, Breaking the light that wasn't there, Wasn't the first time I seen a murder of this kind, I look into you my dear mirror, Killing pain with your beloved spear, I would reach for you my reflection, But it's the first time I wished you were never here, Young minds have become lost, Your reasoning is beginning its loss, Selfish mutinous thieving portrait, Your words haunt themselves as you pay the cost, Bow to the king And destr...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Love she said as she walked away, Pities deliverance from harms way, To live in fear of tomorrow, I'll always know nothing ever stays, You always boast as you withdraw, All along you wanted to see me crawl, And I still see the beauty, Every time the counterfeit falls, None of these pieces ever seem to fit, And your words never seem to up lift, Life is never bliss, But I am the one who doesn't exist, And this black earth no longer spins, It lies broken, Held together by needles and pins, Words...
Version 1
23 Reviews
20 Comments
Welcome to my mind, The kingdom of crow, There is nothing darker Than what never shows, So welcome, To the legacy you'll never know, You found the hatred, All you were looking for, The shadows obtained Yet you still want more, Congratulations, Now things are darker than before, You're detrimental, The shadows bane, Your judging eyes Label the insane, Instigation You pave the streets with pain You intransigent coward, Constantly fixated on power, I am crawling amongst your cost, But every gain...
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Reviews
Well it wasnt bad at all. like you said the vocab was a little choppy in areas for example "The broadcaster got cut off" should be "The broadcaster was cut off". but its not a big deal. But publishers arent going to go easy on you just because you have a learning disability. They are going to use what they find to be the best selling or most interesting, my sujestion would be too put more work into it or maybe you could have someone help you with it. You seem to be a very good writter and I b...
Very good it grabbed my attention from the start.. The first paragraph would have to be my favorite. my favorite line was "She was hardly able to keep her balance as she ran down the winding path, stumbling on the twisted roots of the trees and vines, scraping her ankles as she ran." That is very impresive imagry and description. My only sujestion would be to use less "she said" and "he saids" it kind of makes it repeditive. But thats a very quik fix. The puncuation wasnt used enough in place...
This one is my favorite of yours. Make sure to provide examples from the poem when you give good or bad reveiws. because people will refund them if you dont, some people are poor sports.. it doesnt matter when its just us reveiwing eachothers because its free to read a reveiw from friends and it doesnt count on the rank charts... Sometimes you have to review a lot of poems before yours is reviewed... Good luck
Very interesting. Their is a lot of stuff that I feel could be either positive or negative in this story. For example in the first line you wrote " A postcard scene like you’d see from San Francisco. Cars parked along the hypotenuse, building foundations hewed at right angles to sea level, reckoning gravity’s dominion over slope" I like the fact that you use large flashy words and they definatley sound great, but part of me almost wonders if its to much for this type of story. overall you hav...
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