ways to ditch jury duty— 1. Paranormal Activity— • Sorry can’t do it –I am just not a morning person—why you ask? I am a vampire. • Look at me like that again councelor and I will turn you into a toad. • Can I park my broom in the handicap spot? • I have ESP-- I should have seen this coming 2. Sex as a weapon. • Proposition council while they grill you—lines like come here often and I’ll stay if you sit on my knee. • I th...

Chapter 1 It was seven a.m. and I was barely peeling my eyelids of my eyeballs when a blood curdling shriek split the morning air. I sat bolt upright and nudged my fiancé Gerry. It was coming from the apartment directly above, an apartment belonging to a Mrs. Ethel Peterson. Poor old soul probably found a mouse and got scared to death. Regretfully I turned to face my significant other. “Can you go up stairs and see if you can grab the poor rodent before Mrs. Peterson slaughters...

IKE THE TIKE AND HIS LITTLE RED TRIKE IKE WAS A TIKE WHO LIKED TO GET AROUND. HE LIKE BIG BRIGHT THINGS AND BIG LOUD SOUNDS HE WANTED A TRIKE TO RIDE ALL DAY. PLACES TO GO AND GAMES TO PLAY SO HIS MOMMY AND DADDY THOUGHT THIS WAS OKAY THEY BOUGHT HIM A HELMET AND BRIGHT WHITE NIKES TO MATCH HIS SHINY RED TRIKE. HE WANTED FAST BUT HIS PARENTS SAID SLOW LITTLE IKE WANTED TO GO GO GO! UP SIDE WALKS DOWN STAIRS IKE HAD SCRATCHES ON KNEES IN PAIRS! AT THE END OF THE DAY WITH THE WIND IN THE WIL...

Deconstructing POOH Don’t get me wrong; I love Pooh just like everyone, but if you look closely—that bear and his friends have some adult issues to examine. Pooh—A bear clearly in need of a weight loss program! This guy goes around mooching hunny off his friends. He needs an intervention in the worst way. Kids and hot air balloons don’t mix. Neither do bears. He gets his furry little butt stuck in doorways after eating too much. Call JENNY now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rabbit &n...