thewizard83's profile

a very light, entertaining piece. it has excellent flow and pace. with a few edits just for polishing, it will be very publishable. pieces like this, how ever amusing or humorous, generally run into the problem of rambling. yours, however, has very nice form and progresses linearly. even better is the quick/sweet ending.

at first i found the first paragraph not so inticing and missplaced, like it should be further into the prose; however, after reading the second paragraph, i found it as a great set up. i enjoyed finding the protagonist to be all these things he just said he is not. good humor value but also a true trait for stalkers. the fact of being in a mental hospital was fantastic. his perspective on the IV were great. when the protagonist goes into telling his background, you once again say that Stormc...

there are improvements but it is still extremely rough, as one might imagine having been translated from another language. to be frank, the areas in need of fixing incompass every aspect of writing. i could fill this review with my suggestions but i think the best thing for you is one or both of these things: to find someone with excellent grammar and vocabulary and personally work on it with them or steer away from translating and rewrite the story from the beginning.