thewritecareer's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 11
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 11
Ever since I can remember, I have been intrigued with words, word games, books, reading and writing. In grade school, as well as high school, I was a class reporter for our school newspaper. As an adult, I had columns in local papers. One regret – I never went on to finish college and become a teacher.
Items
Version 1
28 Reviews
2 Comments
Time whispered to the young child, turning him older. Death watched all the while, getting bolder. Time whispered to the young man, turning him gray. Death watched all the while, waiting to take him away. Time whispered to the old man, and his ashes were given to his brother. Death watched all the while, then started looking for another.
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Version 2
27 Reviews
2 Comments
His scream was so dark and filled with pain, That came from the sound of pounding rain. It was just a little moment in all of time. I still cannot believe I committed that crime. My arm had wielded so much power! I had flushed while he took a shower.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Clouds above so dark Thunder cracks, making its' sound Running for cover Lightning is natures' flashlight Raincloud bursts, drenching the ground.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Sitting at the bar passing time, Dreading the journey ahead, A beautiful woman walked in Next to me she sat and said, "It's not the graveyeard That you should fear It's what's in your mind as night draws near. Why when passing the tombs Do you travel so swiftly? Are you running from your mind Before your eyes make you see? Your headlights make the graves a stage As your car approaches the curve Above the speed limit you roar by. Ashen white are you? I've hit a nerve. Is it memories of the wom...
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Version 2
32 Reviews
0 Comments
Against the night sky A bats fringed wings spread to fly Velvet on velvet
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Reviews
I remember the days of proms, grownup Holiday dances, and feeling beautiful. This piece takes me back there very effortlessly. You have conveyed both excitement, and a sense of urgency, to the reader. They need to get to the stores right now and shop. Have you considered a career in marketing or advertising? You have described the lines, pricing and the "mood" very nicely. There is no criticism here from me. This article was very well written, and I do believe it would be publishable.
I very definitely think this is easy to read. You can tell what is happening. I like the use of the words, "an ancient ritual unfolds". It is happening at night - you make the reader see what is happening. The lines are off - some have 6 lines, 3 lines....that should be fixed, I feel, to be more even. Rhyming - it could rhyme, but free verse is fine for this tale.
Any spelling errors, I know you can take care of! The story overall - is a good concept. Statistics show that women are not killers the majority of the time. I would like to know what made her snap. Is this just one death - or will she be a serial killer like Eileen Wournos? The serial killings (if you go that way), could make up several short stories.... Will she be caught - or will she get away with it?
For 19, you definitely have a talent here. I love how you introduce the character. With the interviews he is doing, we can get a feel for him right from the start. He is obviously intelligent (speaking many languages)and has written a few books. He notices women, so he is human after all. This does intrigue me and makes me want more.
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