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think1964's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Waynesburg, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 22
LOC: Waynesburg, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 22
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Version 1
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If this was the truth, then something was wrong because the truth was supposed to Set you free and all this did was Seal you in THe words passed through my lips like irreversible flowers their full power not exposing itself until well after being said Freedom? What was this freedom? I am not free to say what should be said for saying that would make a lie out of everything I have said The consequences now make up any burden telling the truth may have lifted They bear down on us. Crushing the ...
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The poem was strong at the begining, it grabs your attention and holds it. After the lines "My voice, To whisper into your ears, May the words echo in your head, For I will never get to say them to you again," my attention somewhat roamed, I was tempted to skip over some of the poem. It might be too long for its own good. Keep writing, I like the tone of the poem. Its very universal
The poem is fun to read, the vocab helps it a lot. I might break up the stanzas with spaces, just to give the reader some time to comprehend each one seperatly. I might also rethink repeating the opening line at the end of the poem, it doesnt match the emotion that an image of an "opening door" stirs. It is good, the imagery is strong as you describe footsteps and paths. Good job!
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