is it obvious? well, as far as i can make out, the indented section pertains to the keyboard and the screen, not to the narrator. _justifying_ its indentation? i presume this isn't a copy-setting pun. well - technique mirroring content? it doesn't seem gratuitous; moreover, if my suspicions are correct, then there is a slight argument for your method over a stanzaic setting, for instance. technically, the rest of it is rather nice, but i expect you know that, having had it published. "I remai...

i am surprised that you haven't had this published yet. it now seems expertly managed and very tautly written, probably due to attentive and careful revision. it makes me laugh audibly quite a lot, but there is a kind of ever-present funniness throughout, which makes it very appealing. the voice contributes to this, but i'll come to that later. structurally, though, you have hit on an excellent formula, and one that would suit serial publication very well; its essential humour (and the impetu...

this seems to me to be more think-piece journalism than literary criticism, but no matter. your prose style is literate and eminently readable, and for the most part maintains a pleasingly dry, detached sort of irony. so the set-up is good: the opening paragraphs are engaging, and the development of the central thesis proceeds comfortably and without incident. this is skilfully done. however, the crux - that temptation, and the surrender to it, are so persuasive in the hands of memory as to d...

true (sometimes).

there is a kind of deft awareness of cliche throughout this that gives it a real weight. it seems that you know where the boundary lies, and can avoid it with great care - this results in something that has powerful emotional resonance, born of the fact that it _isn't_ mawkish. nothing is overdone. the prose is careful and measured, and accrues a grace throughout because of this. there's a nice little clutch of parallel constructions at the end of the paragraph that begins 'Every Christmas mo...

this is fine stuff. i have had a cursory glance at other sections, but not enough to _inform_ my opinions. the prose is nicely done, engaging but never obnoxiously so. it is strung through with tiny little jokes - 'as he kept his grin at its strongest setting' - but the overall tone is not of something striving for humour, or for too much surface gloss. the careful detail and deft choice of vocabulary, as when shilton 'pushes' a chuckle out, cohere into something pleasingly readable, but neve...

god, i hate 'experimental' poetry. this is _fantastic_, though. really oddly charming. i think i must say that it is definitely for the eye, not the ear. normally, this would make me very cross, but the verve and agility of your deployment of device in the poem is utterly engaging - fascinating, indeed. it generally seems to be an aggressive act, as a poet, to force the reader to engage with the surface so closely - but there is a reward here, and the process is satisfying. the reader perpetu...

first, then: voice. this italicised interior monologue is _curious_ - it could, without too much work, be assimilated into a conventional first-person narrative. that you choose not to raises an interesting notion - something like bakhtinian double-voicing, wherein elements or attributes are conveyed in a subtly different light: reframed, if you like. i suppose this counts as 'experimental', but there is still substance to it: it gives you another layer to work with, effectively. considered t...

joycean is, i think, the word: this has that dream-told-in-puns feel. i imagine it's the play on 'scale' that holds the whole thing together. so 'minnow' and 'shreckstoff' evoke a slightly fishy sense of fear or realisation, and then that 'ebb tide' is picked up nicely by the 'sea change'. however, because this is so dense and so cryptic, i find myself restricted to vague intimations, hints, allusions, etc. that trio of thanks, followed by 'la, la and la' could hint at la-la land, a kind of d...

this is nicely written - a reasonably characterful, engaging narrative with pleasing twists and turns and capably-managed jumping around in time. i think you _could_ tweak it down to under a thousand words: there are one or two sentences/phrases that seem slightly superfluous. 'that is when the doorbell rang' and a phrase about 'the distinct click of heels...' - these seem ungainly, and yet there are points when you describe details or invest your narration with a distinct turn of phrase in a...