Fluid... Melodic... and I can relate to the peice. Beautiful.

This was a amusing peice to show the modifications that we humans go through when grooming, especially for the first time. I am sure that this has been brought up, but spinter... is that splinters and I didn't understand it's usage? What were you trying to portray? At the end the baby gets revenge by biting the mother by using it's only defense. Thank you for sharing.

There are often times that I find myself as the larve trying to shed the shell. We both have a long road to travel when breaking free... Tonight you go to sleep as a larve, but someday you will wake up with wings. I share so much with this short story. This is almost a memoir because you are the main character, but who cares because it says so much. In my opinion this is a non-fiction peice because I can relate so much to this story.

Epic prose... Nice.. It seems to be broken into some kinda of crazy sequence. I like the crazy 'monkey at keyboard' Parts. It has an overall good flow... Sometimes confusing, but if you look past the surface you can see the finite details of a tortured entity. Really would like to see where this is heading.

The characters need more description... I didn't know whether the narrator was a girl or a guy. The bomb was a great idea and atomic fussion would rip space time... the average user doesn't understand this and can use maybe a quick rundown. You know maybe put in a sentence about the bomb ripping through spacetime changing everything as we know it. Also using a brief reference to Nagasaki might flash mental ques. All in all I think that you might have something... I didn't understand if the na...

This was good overall. At the beginning there should be more desciptive words involving new beginnings... Use your words to create a life cycle. Adjectives, verbs, nouns, and the occational conjunction to mold your thought and send it to your reader.

That was amusing... Wow... That sentences sounds extremely lackadaisical, but I guess you can understand. It was funny and good luck with the whole... 'in shape thing'... When I say PB I thought where is the jelly? Good read.

Your descriptions make the poem. There are flow issues but that will come with the rewrite. Sounds like a peaceful moment around the fire. You set up the for the final 'performance' and deliver. Good Work! Flow issues: 1. Two dance naked among the clouds, - humans, elements, or crickets? 2. No lights shine, from the burdened sky. - everything else has a peaceful tone. An interesting use of burden; doesn't seem to fit with your 'zen' atmosphere. Were you trying to describe the sky as working t...