The only complaint that I can really find is that I don't like the word "lads" in this... The way you explained the regular traits with the quirks of the character is cool, I like that although you developed her personality right here, there is still so much that i feel can be learned about her. Also, I love the way you started this with just "Scars." I really love one-word openers, and I think the word you chose really pulled me in to finish reading it. I don't love a lot of "young adult" bo...

"...happening too..." should be "happening to" "These people can hid.." should be "..can hide.." Maybe the word "guy" in "a guy abuse a woman.." should be "man"? I think it might sound better. And "physical" in "..son physical battle" shouldn't that be "physically"? Work on some of the wording, I noticed a few places where it seems like there's a word or two missing. Also, there's a lot of grammatical errors. It's interesting but it seems like the narrator's tone changes too frequently. One p...

Being totally honest - I don't get this at all. But, it's in a good way. While I don't understand really what's going on, I don't know if I really want to. Maybe it's just me that doesn't quite get it (I'm a little slow sometimes, haha) but I like the vibe that it gives...this kind of your-own-interpretation thing. I specifically like the last part: "staring down that endless hall/will you run until you fall?" That part is my favorite. All in all, if it works as a song, awesome. I love it. :]

Maybe the word you were looking for instead of narcolepsy was insomnia? Hmm.. I don't know. But I do know that I like your poem. I like the breakdown of the different options of things to do to bring sleep. "confuzing" is supposed to be "confusing" though. and the line "Crash on sleeping ground" doesn't really make sense to me. I get the gist of it, but I don't think it's very clear. Unless I'm just having a blond moment.. I don't know. But consider fixing/changing that x] but anyway, I reall...

I LOVE the last line of this. "Knowing the limitations of my shallow lungs" I don't know why, but I really love that the poem ended like that. I don't really like "Thickening air becomes a sticky veil" it just reads weirdly to me. I think if a different word is used for either air or veil (that of course, still fits) it would sound a lot better. I just don't like the two words so close. That's the only thing I can see that would make it better though.. I love it though. It's ... attention gra...

"Why do you still act like this? Acting like you care" I don't like the repetition of the word act there. And "Find the key That you once lost" I think it reads oddly. Specifically "that you once lost" I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but my brain kind of tripped over it when I read it. and "a cold night like tonight" another repetition I don't like... But apart from that, I really like your lyrics. I love the rhyme scheme and (beside what I mentioned earlier) everything about th...

I like the poem, but the rhyme scheme is a little plain to me. I think that everything else is really good though. For some reason "I'm lost, if not forlorn" really appeals to me. I love it. I don't know that i like the way it opens, it kind of reminds me of one of those infomercials for some reason. But that might just be me...anyway, I like the theory and concept of it. Instead of taking a totally logical look at time travel, it kind of compares two different dimensions that this person is ...

I really like this, specifically the bridge. The only thing I can see that I don't really like is "Cause that is the only norm" I get what it's saying, but my brain kind of tripped when I read it. Other than that, I really liked it. :]

"For envious streaks of time, and space Do not withdraw with grace" i don't like how close space and grace are. the rest of the poem, the rhyming words are further apart, and i like that better. Apart from small things like that, I liked the poem. It flowed pretty nicely, but as with every thing, could be better. But for what it is, I think it's really good. :]

I'm assuming that a lot of the grammar issues are to represent the way the characters actually speak, but there's a few issues that I've noticed besides that. Like, the word "to" when it should be "too" is there a lot. And I believe God is supposed to be capitalized in this context. But other than a few easily fixed issues like that, I really did like this. But I'd suggest use of contractions, it sounds less robotic when read. I really do like it though, so far you're doing a great job at wri...