Of these ten lines, I would pick lines 7 & 8 most in need of revision. Also, 'really' in line 9 is redundant - just cut it. Extra words in line four break the rhythm. Suggestion: Trying my best to know what to do. I don't have a suggestion for lines 7 & 8 - something just as clear and precise as the rest of the couplets.

This poem is very clear, as it differentiates between the emotional imperative for revenge and the moral restraint holding it at bay. I imagine it would look great, set into a short story or novel. spelling: tongue

Hey, this is a treasured memory, I am sure. Your grandpa got mixed up about the traffic signal. That much is clear. It really takes the reader there when you hear about the frustrated traffic. I imagine that when you are sightseeing in Hollywood, and traffic is bumper-to-bumper, you can make that mistake because the traffic is stop-and-go regardless of the signal. One change I'll suggest: Change "But of whom you remember meeting." to "But whom you remember meeting."

The chess allusion is clear, but somewhat general. A good follow-up would be to study chess a bit, to make it more real. An completely self-aware chess player would not want to play against someone who will not follow the rules of the game. It is an annoying, childlike thing to make up your own rules to chess or connect four or any other board game. But, maybe your target audience won't see it that way. Good luck.

It was the third paragraph that led me to the conclusion this was a manicure. Then, I had to re-read the first two paragraphs to figure out what the context was. It is rather intriguing. The part about questioning masculinity was good. It is delightful to see this mundane ritual transformed by a new dramatic, new perspective. Bravo!

This piece draws together the love of music and the use (by the man) of the music, while providing other elements of a jazz club. The man's intentions carry through, but not how he understood it. Thanks for this insight. It has both depth and clarity.

I like the lyrics. It all depends on how you sing them. To see them in print doesn't have quite the same effect. I don't even know if you are a singer, but I would guess so. If so, good luck, and keep singing. It is hard to make it when the economy turns down, but still worth the pursuit.

It's a strong brew of metaphysics and culture that inspires many thoughts. After reading this, the next time I see the bumper sticker that says "If you're not outraged, you haven't been paying attention." I will think, "Or, I can choose to laugh at this comedy of errors," while trying to buoy myself up on the humanity that can stop the preventable errors, at least locally.

This is quite a funny story, even though the reason and motivation are unknown. I'm glad I knew there was no reason before I read it, because I would be looking for some reason. So, I would recommend making sure the reader knows in the text (it was in the reviewers notes), unless you want the reader to suspiciously question, all the way through, why someone like that would care so much about a contest like that.

Altered states of consciousness are special, for sure. "Something swirls past my face" is lost on me. A nice image follows, though.