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tonya921's profile
AGE:
30
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LAST LOGIN: April 04
My main concern is to receive as much feedback as I can about my work. Being a mere graduate student, I realize that I am only beginning. All I ask for is honesty and opinion on the submissions I make.
I am currently working on my writing as much as humanly possible. It’s not easy being in grad school, but it happens. My main goal is to one day be published, obviously, but in the meantime I have many other goals in mind for my writing.
Anything you can contribute is much appreciated.
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“So what day would you girls like to get together to do this? We need to go ahead and decide something now, while we are all here in attendance, so that we can schedule it now before school starts back up again. I am already so busy with the kids’ summer basketball schedule as it is.” Sammy, hands on hips, attempted to get the attention of the three other girls. The three were standing within speaking distance of her, but she knew it was not going to be easy to convince them to talk about su...
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The only time. Anger raging strong. Pounding chest pumps flames of desire. Sulfur and iron rustle my nostril hairs. Tight, pursed lips crimson with blood and scarlet from pain. Piercing pupils poke through me. My body shakes in fits of fury. Reeling with ire my ears ring with circling tornadic feelings. pointed brows now thrust twitching on my smoldering emotions. Heavy breaths descend upon skin frigid in the cold night of blind wrath. Ugly.
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Fire cushions of breath Sift me deeper into waves of crowds running blind.
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In the third paragraph, where you say "Her and I", I think I might place a "she," as in "she and I." It seems to sound a little better. Also where you talk about the toppling of the building? I think it might sound a little better if you were to stick a "one" in front of the word, indicating the specific building you are speaking of. But maybe that's not your intent. Another thing I noticed is where you have the sentence "It’s absolute, and it’s been bottled..." I think in order to get the po...
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