it's nice you can find the humor in this situation. most people wouldn't. it's told very well and goes at a nice pace. it made me laugh. i could do with a little more description though of the location,you,the climate, the co--details that would allow me to visualize the place where the story takes place. relies a little too much on dialog.

now this is good writing! so many great metaphors--the voice/pebble one, neck bruised like words had tried to jump out, seaweed making things murky--it's obvious you spent time editing to build tension, thinking of descriptions, and yet leaving questions. everything isn't wrapped up in a tidy package. there are a couple of typos--you left the "r" out of "grabbed", and "she" is repeated in the middle there somewhere. i think the repetition of the mirror image with the ice is a little strained ...

this is very amusing--not your usual "there was a"--i think it's a bit of an in-joke. i don't mean that as a criticism, but i do feel it's definitely something for the literary crowd, sort of like a piece of art or classical music that refers to another piece of art or classical music.

sorry, but i have to pick on this. there are a number of grammatical errors-- apostrophes and commas where they don't belong, no apostrophe where there should be one, time disagreement, things like that. it's well-told, has nice pacing--i imagine there will be more about what happens next. part three maybe? and i think you could maybe stand to spice up some of the language a little with some more vivid descriptions of the scene, the people, etc.

this is really different and rather touching. i like how you get into the bird's head without trying to anthropomorphize it, like most people would, turning it into a disney character. i think you need to put in a little something about the three-year gap, however, it's a little abrupt when you describe the bird's death. Maybe the story could use a little more description.

this has a very nice build to it. it sucks the reader in right away (betcha thought i was going to say it sucks) with the "i've decided to accept" line (accept what?, you wonder) and keeps their interest piqued throughout. the next line is a little confusing, since we don't know if the "she" refers to charlotte or aaron's grandmother. i think there's also a little confusion in the "flinch" line, like it's two sentences in one. i also wouldn't use the word "flinch" twice--maybe a synonym? you'...

this story is very well-written, and moves at a good pace. i'm not sure why the section on pole-vaulting is included, even though it is the most amusing part. i think this falls more into the category of short story or memoir, however, since the tone is more sweet than humorous. to make it really funny would take a lot more description of the events or comparisons of the characters or events to something, with a slightly cockeyed perspective. it's there, it just needs to be exaggerated, or he...

i feel your pain. but it appears to me you have a pretty good grasp of grammar. i myself have seen some lingual train wrecks that makes me think a bit this site might be renamed "writers who don't suck but some of them can it's ok". but this is pretty witty, and the different sections are a really good device. you might take it up a notch even.

this needs to be expanded. i can't believe you're only 15. it's really clever. but that last line isn't as funny as it could be. when you write comic prose, try reading it out loud to see if the timing works--or maybe picture yourself at your book reading in front of an audience. ends a little bluntly.

this must have really happened--i don't think anybody could have made it up. it's a very charming story, funny,well-told. good pacing. i wouldn't change too much, but i think it could do with even a little more exaggeration/description. like in the part where your wife starts crying--"hysterical wailing" is serviceable, but i think you could find an even funnier way of describing it--crying like a what? mybe punch it up just a little to send it over the top. also, spelling of "heroine", and i...