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tracgard's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 01
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 01
My dream job is to teach English composition and History at North Torrance High School, here in California. I also want to coach the the girl’s track and softball teams. I currently teacher for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. I’ve invited my former middle school English classes to join Urbis in order that they may gain fresh insights into their work from others who are learning the art and craft of writing.
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Version 1
20 Reviews
4 Comments
1) How I started: To My Motley Crew, I had a great time this past weekend being someone else -- you know, being flirty and carefree for four or five hours at a shot. Hope the rest of you enjoyed your alter egos as much as I enjoyed watching and listening to you explore these strange people you created. Matt, It was hard to believe that this was one of the first times you role played. I like how our two characters are virtually at antipodes to each other. My Isla has an ample bosom she likes t...
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As a reader, I felt that there should be more transitions before the "Thought produces no consequences" It is a great line, but really thrown out there. Also with the last line of the piece, was a little out of place for me. Once again it a great line, but comes out of nowhere. I feel there should be more segue into it.
What I liked about your writing is that you are speaking the truth about the lameness we call myspace. What I didn't like was that you seemed so vague about your dissatisfaction. For future edits you should go one and describe myspace being the like the pet rock that we all used to have when we were kids. I loved the polyamorous part. In today's blogs many people don't really use many multi-syllabic words. It was great to see that in your work.
Brilliant work! Having gone to a large school, I understand your frustration with the "Hall-Cloggers." It was excruciatingly painful when "Normal-Paced" students dealt with the "Hall-Cloggers" on the stairs. Nightmarish I tell you! I gave you all tens because you have successfully described a pet peeve. Also you have demonstrated a great ability to construct a well written paragraph that clearly and concisely gets your point across. Another reason is that you wrote something humorous of the f...
You have a great start to something. I gave you a seven due to a few things you should further develop. One of the things that was a bit hazy for me was the character. You have marvelously captured the essence of the eleven race. But it is unclear about your character. Obviously she is beautiful, but other than knowing about the character's race, there is nothing else to tell the reader about her appearance. With the finesse that she dispatched the goblin, she is a a skilled fighter. I don't ...
Sometimes, you just hate to tell someone what they really need to hear. I really thought of just glossing over how this piece really struck me and telling you what you wanted to hear. I can see by your choice of words (boy, can you be unnecessarily wordy) and literary devices (boy, you need to learn more than just a few), that you probably fancy yourself some kind of writer who is going to make it big. Don't quit your day job. This isn't overly horrible, nor is it anything special. The plot l...
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