trav8434's profile

trav8434 avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: Allen Park, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 28

This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Humor/Satire / The Immigration Office
Version 1
7 Reviews   9 Comments
The look of 30 or so anxious faces surround me as I thread my way to my best guess at the appropriate government official. Behind the counter and a superfluous line of Plexiglas I am disappointed to see the collected countenances of several overworked, under-bribed individuals. Their feelings on the general idea of being sentient for this particular public service seem to reflect ours, only the complete opposite - angry, annoyed, and angry. Their shoulders are crested with various shades of ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / These Desires
Version 1
4 Reviews   10 Comments
I wish I could simply tag along with my mom to the library, let her sniff out whatever boring texts she prefers, make my own way to the small section marked by numbers that never concerned me and focus my ephemeral attention on my favorite books. I used to really enjoy doing that. Most things I enjoy end up hurting me these days. These desires. Pain is only allowed into this boy’s pilgrimage through popsicles and Power Rangers and Happy Meals by temporary lapses in the thoroughly solidified ...
Ratings & Rankings
Criticism / Absolute Truth
Version 2
4 Reviews   7 Comments
"This has had a tremendous negative impact on our culture and on religious leaders. So much so that many public schools and churches are teaching children that Jesus Christ does not matter, that the Bible is just a fallible religious text created by men and you can interpret it any way you want, that there is no such thing as sin or evil, that there is no such thing as an absolute truth that everyone should believe, that God only cares about poor people, and that totalitarian socialism is goo...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / Inherent Epithets, III
Version 1
3 Reviews   4 Comments
Nile sped out of the parking lot onto a short side street still buttoning up his shirt. On top of the lazy weekend he’d spent ignoring his Latin homework, he’d woken up late and was shaping up to be at least 10 minutes late to Latin class. He turned left out of the side street and glared at the cheap bar that had most likely caused him to oversleep as he passed by. Damn it, damn it… He screeched his car to a halt in his usual parking lot next a grey Audi, grabbed his back pack and walked bris...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews   4 Comments
I can do a lot of things. I can talk to the couch i'm sitting on right now. I can spend half the day looking for free porn online. I can tell my girlfriend, "No, you didn't catch me looking at porn when you came back from your morning class." I can even lie about having to drop a loaf, and then finish off my interrupted half-chub in relative solitude sitting on the toilet. I can also buy a huge SUV on the offchance that i'll feel compelled to ruin my 20" rims, scratch my custom candy apple re...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Flash Fiction / SEVERANCE PACKAGE
"Jeremiah Jones rolled over scratched his bare ass..." Should be a comma between "over" and "scratched". "He contemplated letting whoever..." This sentence is a bit cumbersome. "...a brown paper covered shoebox..." Is it a brown box covered in paper or a box covered in brown paper? "Now he would have to re-order his day along with his hang-over." What does this mean in relation to the arrival of the shoebox? "Chet, awakened by the commotion..." It's unclear in this sentence who exactly is get...
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / To Love Is To Die - Schooled.
"The silence of the neighborhood is welcomed..." You're in the present tense until this point so maybe change this to "The silence of the neighborhood is welcome to her/welcoming to her..." "...Chris, looks up from the table that he’s studying at..." I don't know how clean you want to be with this thing (it's grammatically sharp thus far, in my opinion), but you could rearrange this sentence in order to keep the preposition from ending the main clause here. "She paused, frozen in time as she ...
Short Story / United Nation's Island
"...on both side of an..." "both sides" "...his fill of politics. I.e., we were talking about..." this "I.e." doesnt really work here. Just throw in a "for example" or "for instance". "...and put them on island; let them battle it..." Maybe a dash instead of a semicolon here. "...Think of it: Citizens from..." lower case "c" in "Citizens" "“United Nations Island”" You've got quotes inside quotes here but the same variety. Maybe try underlining or single quotes (''). " “Hi! Everything is fine....
Non-fiction / Pursuing My Dream
"As I rolled out of bed, literally,..." I like this. "Since I wasn’t blessed with as ideal a body as I’d hoped..." When was she hoping for a nicer body? As a child or as an adult...? "I heard the distraction return to my mom’s voice. She was again out of the range for proper in-house shouting." This is very well done. I can really see what happened. I hate to say it, but this has a very real "Dear Diary" sound to it. Nothing has happened yet to make me curious about this girl - there's no con...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / a random memory
Might want to capitalize "oasis" "The streets are lined with..." This sentence has a lot of "and...and...and". Maybe some commas instead... You're switching back and forth between past and present tense. "...so it seems lucky that I found it." Maybe you should clarify if you now consider it lucky or if at that time you considered it lucky. Again, tense is confusing. Capitalize "che" "He had a worn looking concert tee over..." I think just "worn" is sufficient here. "escourt" Not sure if this ...
Favorites
People