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treasuringlife's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Chesapeake, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 16
LOC: Chesapeake, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 16
I have always been in love with writing but just recently started putting my work out for others to see. I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my stories and give me feedback!
Items
Version 1
17 Reviews
1 Comment
FADE IN: EXT. MIAMI YACHT CLUB – EARLY A.M. It is early in the morning and the sun is just rising. There is no movement at the dock except for the sea gulls swooping down to catch their breakfast. At the dock sits a top of the line new yacht, shining, beautiful. In the b.g. is a long bridge stretching over the waters with no cars passing over it, all is quiet.. until a bright yellow speed boat and a jet ski race neck and neck under the bridge towards the docks. The boat and jet ski race towar...
Version 2
15 Reviews
2 Comments
Interior – Castle room – Day You see the back of a girl sitting at a vanity mirror. She is about 13yrs old with long black hair, Dark black eyes and creamy pale skin. There is a peasant girl behind her brushing her hair while a governess stands beside her. Young Elizabeth Governess why day after day must I stay in this dreary old castle? Governess Countess you are of royalty and must not be seen rifling about the countryside as if born a commoner Young Elizabeth – she sighs The boredom hath t...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
The sound of my alarm began the irritating beeping that always seemed to signal it was time to get out of bed. It was six a.m. and as I pulled my way up into a sitting position I grumbled to myself not wanting to get up. It was the same every morning for I had never been a morning person but knew that if I wanted to pay my rent I needed to get up and jump in the shower. Half asleep and dragging my feet, I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. My apartment was pretty old and ne...
Version 1
16 Reviews
2 Comments
As a child I wondered about heaven vs. hell, God vs. the devil, Angels vs. Demons. Could these things possibly be true or was the bible just a fictional book written by a brilliant author attempting to reach far into the depths of our imaginations. By the time I was about six I had already proven that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth fairy were all myths in spite of my parents trying to prove otherwise. Once I reached my teen years I began to investigate the existence of vampires, cults...
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
Interior – Castle room – Day You see the back of a girl sitting at a vanity mirror. She is about 13yrs old with long black hair, Dark black eyes and creamy pale skin. There is a peasant girl behind her brushing her hair while a governess stands beside her. Young Elizabeth “Governess why day after day must I stay in this dreary old castle?” Governess “ Countess you are of royalty and must not be seen rifling about the countryside as if born a commoner” Young Elizabeth “Sigh, the boredom has ta...
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Reviews
This is adorable! It flowed very nicely and i didnt see any grammatical errors. I could imagine my 2 boys really having fun reading this piece! Good luck!
Very well written! The details allowed the reader to become intrigued with the story and wonder what was going to happen next. There was no choppiness in the story and made it flow very nicely. The ending has left me intrigued as to who the mysterious man is at the end who is being blamed for the death of the child! You have me hooked, I would love to read more! Great job!
I noticed in your review request that you werent looking for critique on the formatting, grammer, or punctuation just the plot so here it goes. Great introduction into the main character and detailing the scene of the murder. There is great detail throughout the piece which makes the story flow and allowing me to want to read more. The description and plot was very clear and made it to where I could picture the scene of the crime as well as wonder how the murderer got into the house, why the ...
Your dialogue was well written and I did not see any grammatical errors. For it being the opening scene I know that you are trying to introduce the characters but for me it really gave no insight as to what the pilot is going to be about. Some introduction of the plot should be introduced so that you can grab your audiance. By adding it, your story may seem to flow a little better. Try reading your piece out loud to yourself and see if it flows as you are reading it. My "rule of thumb" is to ...
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