Hi. This time I can't fault your rythmn, but I will have a go at you for rhyming Gibbs with Lips and Eclipse. At the risk of misquoting someone important, I believe it was Churchill who said "if you're going to insult me, at least spell my #$%%ing name right." In this case, he would say, "...at least find something that rhymes with my name". How about: fibs; squibs, ribs, nibs, ad-libs... ...man, I can see some funny stuff coming out of that.

You've got a good story here, and I was drawn in and read to the end. Was a little let down by the lack of closure, but you warned against that. You've done a great job in setting up the story for a punchline you don't deliver. If nothing else, you really need to set a hook in the ending. Also, I think the concept is excellent (and chilling) but was dispassionate in delivery. You use a lot of complicated words when simple ones would suffice - and much of the conversation is stilted. I have no...

My comments are more general - I'll leave the proofreading to someone more qualified... It's an eloquent piece, but I do think the passive tone lacks emotion. Two big structural problems that I would revisit... 1. There is no hook at the start - on first read I missed the fact she was already looking at photos - perhaps she should be doing something when an old photo caught her eye, and take the story from there. 2. It doesn't build towards the end - it's kind of a collection of random though...

It's a perfect sentiment, and a good piece of advice for everyone with kids. I'd like to see more variations on the theme though. I marked you down on the opportunity section because you're 15% over the word limit - why didn't you write 'playtime' as one word?

Great summary of the story, well written, and quite compelling. I'm surprised that publishers have not at least asked for the manuscript. From a marketing (as opposed to writing) standpoint, this lacks impact at the start. Having never written such a letter, I'm not really sure of the protocol, but you should assume that the publishers agent is seeing dozens (hundreds?) of such letters each day, and probably does not read much more than the first line or two. Therefore, it's critical that you...

You've got good imagery, but two things drag this down... 1) typo's - we all make them, but for such a short snippet, this has too many. It kills the story. And, 2) sentence lengths. You're running too many ideas into one, and overloading the reader. Try removing some of the 'and's and replacing them with full stops. A minor point... "cold and blue" doesn't seem to be right - maybe under the moonlight the scene would appear such, but in dusk it is surely not - 'fading to black' perhaps, but n...

My first question is "why have you got more ratings boxes than words?" I missed the story altogether on the first glance at the page. Second, you've used a lot of very tough word groups - it's almost a tongue twister (which counts it out as a quotable quote for me, though others may argue this enhances it's value). I'd definately not start with the "Through whose..." Third, I have no idea what exactly you're trying to say... It's tough to offer advice on how to improve a 7-word story, but I t...

Good imagery and a believable story. But as far as a short story goes, it's a bit unfocussed. You've got a guy in jail telling a story about a guy in a bar telling a story about shagging a queen, and then going somewhere completely different and talking about someone completely different. The concepts are all fine, but because this is a short story, they should somehow tie together in the end. I kept looking for the connection. I'm not squeamish, but the way you describe the "buffet" lacks an...

An interesting anecdote, but a little anticlimactic for a work of non-fiction. What about wondering if she even found it further up the road, or worrying if another car stopped and picked up the bucket. Since it's fiction (even if based in reality) how about her driving by and seeing the bucket with a thank you note stuck to it. Also - the meeting was almost too flippant - this was the crux of the whole story, and she didn't even try to foist the bucket off (possibly have it angrily rejected).

A nice story, and a fitting end. I must admit though, to a seasoned short story reader it is predictable, and I was looking for a twist - like for instance staring down at the place where he had pushed "her". Would've been nice for the plot to build up to some point of closure for the old man. Although you have a wonderful way with words, and you have a knack for setting very realistic imagery, I felt at times you got carried away with your own storytelling. I suggest you try a rewrite withou...