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AGE: 33
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 24

Wrapped in tasty pastry.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Duck
Version 1
4 Reviews   5 Comments
A man - an office drone, a nobody, just another bum-on-a-seat in the corporate world - finished work. He shut down his computer, locked the cupboard in his cubicle, put on his jacket. There was no-one but him left in the office... another day worked late with no over-time to show for it. On the way out, the man exchanged a nod with the security guard, Eric, who, despite having seen him every weekday for the last 10 years, still didn't know his name. His name is John, by the way, although we a...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / the still room
Version 5
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The muffled thump of metal on metal. Again. A third time and the door buckles. A final blow and the thick metal door breaks from its hinges, falling into the room with a crash. Hard white light streams in through the doorway, silhouetting an enormous figure holding a heavy, steel battering ram. He steps back, disappearing into the spotlight glare. A second man steps into the light. He holds a terminal out in front of him and scans the room, its bright-green light blinking off-and-on, reflecti...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / the still room
Version 4
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The muffled thump of metal on metal. Again. A third time and the door buckles, a piece of the lock flying off and hitting an overturned chair. A final blow and the thick metal door breaks from its hinges, falling into the room with a crash. Hard white light streams in through the doorway, silhouetting an enormous figure in a radiation suit carrying a heavy steel battering ram. The figure steps back, disappearing into the glare of the spotlights. A second figure, also wearing one of the bulky ...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Unit #335-07
Version 3
6 Reviews   7 Comments
He climbs, struggling not to lose his footing. The man stretches out a gloved hand and grabs a steel reinforcement-bar. It is one of many. They used to be buried deep inside concrete walls, now they are just another part of the devastation--convenient handholds in his search. The man hauls himself up onto the mountain of concrete. "Are you okay, Professor Steadman?" a voice crackles over the intercom. Professor Steadman stands and looks out across the ruined USAF base. He is breathing heavily...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Discovery
Version 2
5 Reviews   0 Comments
He struggles not to lose his footing. The man stretches out a hand, grabs hold of a long steel bar sticking out of the wreckage and hauls himself up onto steadier ground. The bar was once buried deep within thick concrete walls, reinforcing them, holding them up. Now it is just a convenient handhold for a stubborn old man. He should have let someone else do this. Someone younger. Someone fitter. He should be sat in the back of one of their air-conditioned trailers, watching via the suit's hea...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Luminary
I quite liked it, but it felt more like the start of something than a complete piece of flash fiction. That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course. I would say it does seem to come a bit easily - the Gnosi talks about having to "unlearn everything" which sounds pretty complicated, and within about 2 minutes he's suddenly achieved that. But then it is a flash fiction. I also thought more description - especially of setting - would help. She mentions feeling the sunlight - does that mean they...
Short Story / Pump Locks
There are a few technical errors- This is a contradiction: 1st para - "...no other lights, except for the gasoline station inside lights.." but then the man says "With the lights turned out..." Also is there no moon, or stars? If it's so dark, how could he see to pump the gas? It's not clear in the beginning why the man doesn't run away. The story starts with the two guys putting up a hanging noose - this is pretty menacing behaviour, so why hasn't he already bolted? It's only after this that...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Opal's Tale [part.1]
This has moments of really great stuff, but I also found it a little confusing in places. The traditional point to make is one show the story, don't tell the story and in some ways I could say that about this piece. You start off with a large paragraph that is sort of telling us something. However, the problem with that analysis that it's actually quite well written. The real problem I think is that it's not entirely clear that those are Opal's thoughts. Part of why I say that is that I'm not...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Ecliptica prologue
Locked
Sci Fi & Fantasy / *~*Untitled*~*
Not a lot to go on, but I would mainly offer one suggestion - start as close to your 'main event' as you can. Introducing characters is good and necessary, but introducing them in the midst of a crisis or on the point of a decision is far more engaging for the reader. After all, we've got the whole rest of the story to really get to know them, so languid character intros aren't really necessary. I'd especially say not to open with your character waking up. It's too obvious and too easy: you'r...