tstone's profile

i like this and feel it is funny, but could be trimmed down a bit. my suggestion would be to eliminate 15 or so. #35, for example, is funny but a bit forced and slows the reader down from getting to the good ones. (i saw no grammar problems.)

"..teaching tape(,) so my confidence.." --> there are several run-on's like this that could be easily fixed with a pause/break of some sort. "timmings" = timing? "..I might of failed.." = 'might have' --interesting story. left me hanging, though. will 2nd part be posted as well?

very funny and endearing. there are a few minor problems: "..the bir(d)s and the bees.." nothing a quick proofread wouldn't fix. the only suggestion i have is to maybe elaborate on the ending. it is a bit abrupt. maybe reiterate some of the points from the opening... bring us full circle. also, distinguish wwjd? with "'s or italics - it would make the read seamless... in the beginning i had to re-read a few times thinking the "?" was the end of the sentence... nothing major, just a suggestion...

humorous. a nice, quick read. i like the reference to selling cigarettes... were you speaking of real cigarettes? or the candy ones? you might even consider a line referencing the candy ones to further the progression from "when I was a kid" to the bourbon-soaked cherries of today.

reminds me a bit of "i just called to say i love you" by stevie wonder, with the progression through the seasons. simple... could be good w/ the right music. "..love that gives than takes.." "than" should be "then."