yea it alright.

i like the way the author explains where he is. There is a lack of emotion and cut off feeling to the writing. That is obviously where the person in the story is and the writing defiantly shows that. But this to me is more of a short story than poetry. Poetry is supposed to have rhythm and rhyme. There is none here to make it poetry. But it is a very good short story

this speaks voulmes in one simple sentace. we understand and are with you.

where is the rythm or the rhyme there is none. try writing when you get home from the bar and are drunk off your ass. you might get some more of your soul into it. but then again if you are letting other tell you what to do and how to write then it's not you anyways. poetry is showing your soul to other in a way that touches them and no one can tell you what is in your soul. i have been nominated poet of the year and have brought tears to the eyes of others with my poetry so i know what i am ...

First of all let me say you will make it. Just work on it a little more. There is rhyme there and poetry is supposed to have to things rhythm and rhyme. You have rhyme most of what people call poetry now days doesn’t have any rhyme to it. And that is not something you can't learn it comes from the soul. The rhythm is ruff but because it is about stress that is expected and is a rhythm in and of it's self. Because it is the rhythm of your emotion. Witch is the mark of a true poet, because poet...

wow some one with reason and rhytm and rhyme both. i just love it i could feel your pain and lack of it because of love so clearly. your imagery set my mnind on fire. the line "my wil ill admits" wonderful word play. try submitting your work here for agency representation Adminj@writersliterary.com