upfromsumdirt's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Midway, KY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 13
LOC: Midway, KY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 13
kind of like a poet. a social/romance/sci-fi/voodoo poet – not all in the same piece… but sometimes,
when i’m lucky.
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
6 Comments
one. diary for our indigenous matrimony: bring kava root and 40 pigs/or you cant get in... security will beat you with a switch/will shank you with bamboo shaft - its the law! ...come and be bouyant, brothers... bring the bride cocoa butter/drench your sorrows in yam sandwiches and coconut milk... let's dance and dance hard until the banana tree breaks/so damn aboriginal in our beauty... ...like we useta be... ...back before. two. daddy couldnt catch a cow/his hoveround lost traction on the m...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
there lives a woman in ethiopia, 4013 years old. refuses death... not from daring, just done done it once or twice or more and knows her way around empyreal waiting rooms... knows how to avoid the ephemeral rush having her heart & soul weighed on a copper plate... you see, her pulsebeat lives in an aviary so her cardiovascular system aint afraid of feathers; flocks to faith/light as light/right as rain... always ascends. so legba bends the rules for her. doesnt happen often... hatshepsut jump...
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Reviews
glowing praise aint much of a critique, so i'm at a loss. this is one of the most "professional" endeavors i've read during my short time on urbis. rural themes often seem the most honest and tender to me and this has both. line edits are always 'eye of the beholder' territory to me, especially in free verse - i like the way your words present themselves and any advice i'd have to offer about it would be negligible. well done.
your reviewer tips say 'just enjoy' so im assuming that means you're not looking for structural critique. but if thats the case, then why post it on urbis, right? as it stands, this is all sentiment and emotion. there are very few poetic tools used here and at best it might loosely fit the definition for prose. as an expression of affection/love-lost, i understand... human relationships offer powerful themes for us to write about, but if you want to separate it from being a standard journal e...
very interesting; great use of poetic narrative. i'm much drawn to the fantastical, chimerical qualities of poetry... i prefer those over the 'journaled emotional angst' poems that many writers focus on. the only thing this poem suffers from is its length. not that it shouldnt be as long as it is, but much of it seems unnecessary to the development of it. some of it is even a bit redundant, such as using both the moon & ether at the same time in two separate lines. but its not until stanza 7 ...
a tale of two sunflower seeds: the first 'half' is kind of blah (yes, i know thats not the technical term, but it fits for now!) its almost 'too pretty' - a major flaw for poetry. not that i endorse anything gothic or 'urban', because im not. it just needs to be dragged thru the street for a while... you did a much better job with the second 'half'. 'grotesque' is the perfect balance for a field of sunflowers... 'ugly' creates dialog with 'beauty' and the themes juxtapose well off each another.
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