I have recently been reading a series of books written in a very fanciful, idealized manner - somewhat in the style of Dumas - and have come to the conclusion that some new oaths are needed. By way of example, several of the characters in the story use “Blood of the Horse!” as an expression of great surprise or agitation. Now this is a wonderful phrase, but can’t really be used effectively outside the scope of the novels. So I began to speculate about what makes for good oaths. To begin, then...

There’s a restaurant in Chicago that has taken a bold stand, and I fully support their position. I hope to see it spread nationwide. Dan McCauley, the owner of a local café, A Taste of Heaven, caught two kids literally climbing the restaurant walls while the parents just sat nearby doing nothing. He told the family that they were no longer welcome to dine there. The next morning, he posted a sign in the window reading “Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when comin...

The Time to Act is Now! There is no more important cause than the call to action to save our planet. This is a movement about change, as individuals, as a country, and as a global community. We are all contributors to this phenomenon, and we all need to be part of the solution. Join our supporters, and become part of the movement to demand our leaders freeze and reduce Continental Drift now. If you’re not already convinced that Continental Drift is an issue that you need to care about, consid...

I recently became aware of a disturbing trend: the United States is being invaded. Foreign people are crossing our borders in droves in order to find work. On the surface, it would seem that these trespassers are filling employment gaps, thereby contributing to our booming economy, but what’s never accurately assessed is how much of our money is taken out of circulation to be sent back to their native land. Even more disturbing, these gatecrashers are slowly replacing our culture with theirs....

What the fuck is up with English today? Has it suddenly gotten harder? Were all of the rules changed? Are the vast majority of editors high-school dropouts? Something has to account for the total collapse of written communication. Business letters, advertisements, magazine articles, newspaper columns – all have been affected. I got an offer in the mail some years ago for a College Student desk reference set that included a combination dictionary/thesaurus and a grammar guide. I corrected all ...

Remember that day in school when you didn’t have PE, and all of the girls were sent to one room, and all of the boys to another? Yep. The “Sex Talk.” Apparently, our homeroom teachers had been monitoring our hormone levels using sophisticated instruments hidden within the petrified wads of gum stuck to the bottom of our desks, and had determined that we were about to boil over. Obviously, there is no better place for kids to learn about sex than the public school system. They’re going to do i...