Interval's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 09
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 09
Hello. My name is Greg. Theoretically, I’m a technical person, but I have a certain fondness for reading and writing.
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
A world away and howling wind and snow befit the dreary day when strike so swift the daylights thinned to tear me from your shining ray.
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Foam from fissures flies freer when pushed upward by sulphorous steam. Steam cannot be shackled, cannot be seen nor held - it sears worse than red-hot iron brands one marked "dreamer", another "loser", another "winner". Where these brands would burn your label plainly, steam would indiscriminately boil your face off until all that is left is a window to your bare thoughts.
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Remember when we fought past that mud in the pitch black set camp, absorbed fire heat into each other's flickering faces slept in parallel and woke to a new, foreign, sunlit world? Remember when we explored the old church graveyard the decaying lichen-painted stones bending toward the hill erosion threatening to bare forgotten bones? Remember wondering if archaeologists, uncovering an eternally sleeping couple could confuse his tibia for hers, her femur for his?
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
When a dark grey dawn grows to a deep gold morning and the speed-blurred trees begin to inhale their twelve hours of sunshine and a solitary bus traces a ribbon of concrete through a vast, uniform wilderness and the solitary passenger isn't where he's going, nor where he's been, but rather some dark grey region between them; and the whole world feels like it's in some sort of impenetrable stasis as if the bus is caught in an infinite loop neverending wheels neverending road: The passenger fee...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
An afternoon parking-lot setting sunshine and springtime air permeate unmoving cars waxed atypical blossomed leaves marionetting Deep in the fathoms of slumber, each of the cars a goliath dreaming of pavement and petrol without a load to encumber
[ View all items ]
Reviews
It is obvious that your vocabulary and capacity for imagery are excellent. However, this piece is nigh-impossible to follow and fairly schizophrenic. It draws on all sorts of different references that, while they may be related in your mind by some significant, underlying theme, are thoroughly opaque to the reader. Although there is some sort of a concrete plot and conflict established - this so-called fist-off, the great majority of the text seems not to support them at all and instead is an...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Your word choice, imagery and grammar are very good. The piece is colourful and creative. I was personally lost on two items - although I gather that the protagonist was reviewing some old home film with content such as a football player, the 'gunpowder crucifixion' and the gunshot near the end seem incongruous and ambiguous to me. Does the film show someone being shot, or is it the person watching the film? Who? Why? A little bit more clarity in this respect can earn more comprehension and a...
There are several issues with this piece that you need to work on. Form: Although you do stick to a specific stanza and rhyming scheme, there's no consistent rhythm. If you want to have a poem as structured as this rhythm is a very important consideration. One option would be: (for example) Now here I am, Internal hate, My prison cell, The lack of fate The third line has been changed to match the rhythm of the others, 'weak strong weak strong,' or iambic dimeter. Plot and conflict: There is n...
With a quote this small, there needs to be a far higher density of meaning and provocative imagery than with most other writing forms. This didn't make as much of an impression on me as it could have because it didn't state its point in a particularly powerful way. If you want to retain this form, you need to carefully choose each and every word to paint a clearer and more interesting image for the reader.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People















