I find this poem fascinating, but it's almost completely inaccessible to me, as I know very little about middle-eastern religion. Your imagery and poetic fundamentals are very good. I'm curious as to whether some of the things that you say are in complete sarcasm or complete fervency - accusing the masses of being brainless and soulless; condemning lust; calling the entire West blind, etc.

This poem is sweet and direct. Firstly, you could improve your grammar and spelling - here are some initial and suggested lines: The things we too often, give no attention The things we too often give no attention confess / of where you been confess / where you've been the hidden scars you bare the hidden scars you bear The things that make, the human connection The things that make the human connection Other than that, my only suggestion is that too much of your text is in direct description...

flanked by *statues. This is one of those rare (and slightly frustrating) pieces to which I can contribute exactly nothing. Your poem starts with a perfectly concrete, tangible image, and ends with the same image, tying the poem together. In my interpretation at least, through a series of equally tangible and emotionally evocative images, you guide the reader through a protagonist's brief reflection on his life - the past, present and future. This writing has nostalgia oozing out of its pores.

It's nice to find someone that clearly understands rhythm and rhyme, although in some parts it's a little forced, such as: We twist in vortex of our own The rhythm is perfect, but the grammar suffers. You could say "We twist in a vortex of our own", but of course that would break the rhythm. You could also say "We twist in our own vortex-cloud" or some such thing, to get the best of both worlds. I find that you use the archaic-english rearrangement of phrases just a little bit too much for my...

You have some beautiful images; I really enjoy the last line, as well as the images of a heart covered in braille (note the spelling) and a person as clay to another. Your work has potential, but the rhyming seems forced and is sometimes inconsistent (you/truth, wave/name... These rhymes could be chosen better).. The stanza format is also inconsistent. You start with four lines per stanza, but often vary from this. You also have not incorporated rhythm into your poem (a regular pattern of syl...

I enjoyed this poem, for the most part - it is a very vivid portrayal of this man's last moments, and uses powerful and biting images. However, many of these will be inaccessible to the general reader due to the often relatively obscure vocabulary. Still, a good read, and thank you for contributing.

I love the imagery of this poem, and its endearing sweetness mixed with the slightest morbid twinge (death, blood).. This could be made more pleasing by improving the rhythmic consistency. For instance, Her body lays in meadow grass, damp with morning dew In the distance, a singing lark welcoming the day anew could be written as (for example) Her body lays in meadow grass, caressed with morning dew In distant trees, a singing lark proclaims the day anew Note how the new version (although I di...

I'm pretty impressed with this piece. The structure (in terms of rhythm and rhyme) could be improved, but you compensate for this with the mythological and powerful feel of the imagery and your choice in words. A very interesting piece, and thank you for contributing.

This is touching, if a little cliche. I felt that the ending kind of stated the obvious, and that you could have made more out of it. That being said, the piece is moving and full of emotional potential. Thank you for contributing.

This work has a fantastically heightened sense of the supposedly trivial - as you say, the 'small things' - kind of magnifying a cross-section of someone's life with vivid images of daily things. You show that it's those things that are worth more than any greater concept of love or life. I can't tell if you intentionally wrote 'loose', or if it's a misspelled 'lose'. Your narrative style is wonderfully conversational and intimate. Excellent work, and I feel like reading more from you. Thank ...