Every step I took left me with two options. 1: I could turn around and go home before 12:30am and go to bed or 2: I can meet Nathan, bring him back to my place and tell him I love him. My feet chose option two. Each step put more and more strain on my stomach. The first night was easy; it was only my mother at home. But this time was a different story. This time my father was home. My father was a former Navy man. He has a nose like a trained police dog and knows if something is not right in ...

Part Nineteen: “You’re a part time lover and a full time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.”-The Moldy Peaches It was silent. Almost as if time had stopped and all there was, was Nathan and I. I almost didn’t want to breathe. I was afraid that the silence would be broken if I did. We both removed our coats. I felt naked, like I was letting him see my bod for the first time. I was over thinking things. “So, what happene...

I still love you. Maybe I’ll never stop loving you. I sometimes think about the what if’s… What if we didn’t break up? Would we still be together now? If we didn’t break up, we’d have been together for eight months by now. Would you still say you love me? What if I did commit suicide? Would I go to heaven, hell, or just rot in the ground? If I did, I know many people would be depressed over it. Would you be sad over it? What if…. What if…. What if I told you I still love you?

I'm not going to say I love you. You wouldn't even care if I did. I'm not going to return your phone calls, your text messeges, or your letters. No, I'm not going to reply at all. All I wanted was for you to love me. I wanted it so bad that I convinced myself that you did, even though you never showed it. You made me feel like I was your booty call. The two times when we were really together, I never felt so lonely. I just wanted a real man in my life. But you turned out to be a baby.

Part Eighteen: There were no words that could really describe that moment. My heart felt like it wasn’t beating at all. Or maybe it was beating so fast I couldn’t feel or hear it in my chest? I didn’t, for the life of me, know what was going on. All I knew was that Nathan was standing before me, and my body was turning to butter. We started heading towards my house. The cold wet grass was staining our shoes. I told him I was glad he came. He smiled. On the walk to my house, we saw my neighbor...

Part One: I couldn't stop feeling the way I did. I couldn't help feeling so much emotion and not knowing what it meant. Loving someone made me feel this way. I had many thoughts going through my head that day we were together. That was the day I felt whole. I felt like no one could take me away from him, that no one could make me feel the way I felt with him. His breath, I could taste. His heart, I could hear. His smile, I could see. His warmth, I could feel. But it left me. All the feelings ...