I look at you and I can barely keep it together. I want to curl up  with you and cry. I want to rid myself of the hurt and the pain- the doubts and unknowns. I want to be weak. I want to let you be strong. I want to expose my true self, raw and wounded. I want to believ you can take all my troubles away. I want to be vulnerable, and open and I want to know that you will protect me. I want your arms to be my safe place. I want all of this- any of this- to be real. It's not. You'...

I look at you and I can barely keep it together. I want to curl up safe in your arms and cry. Cleanse myself of the hurt and the pain the doubts and unknowns. I want to be weak, in your strength. I want to expose my true self, raw and wounded and let you take all my troubles away. I want to be vulnerable, and open and know that you will protect me. But I cant, I can't trust you, I can't let you that close, for at night, when you roll in your sleep, you sigh, it is her name on your lips and my...

My life has come to this, I sit, unable to move, the pain, like burning embers, inside my body, leaving scars of smoke. My life has come to this, I sit, unable to close my eyes, I watch you walk away, never looking back. My life has come to this, I smile, and wave goodbye, vainly clutching my dignity, the only thing I have left.

I look at you and I can barely keep it together. I want to curl up safe in your arms and cry. Cleanse myself of the hurt and the pain the doubts and unknowns. I want to be weak, in your strength. I want to expose my true self, raw and wounded and let you take all my troubles away. I want to be vulnerable, and open and know that you will protect me. But I cant, I can't trust you, I can't let you that close. One day you will walk away from me, and who will be there then, but me?

I want to be different...... different in a way that changes the world even if it’s just one persons world. I want to be different different in a way beyond my hair color, my skin color, or the way i walk. I want to be different different in the eyes of the those who love me best, who hate me most. I want to be different different in the eyes of the one looking at me, from the mirror. I want to be Different.

here i am, holding a phonebook filled to overflow with useless numbers and empty names, blanks, department stores and pizza places crowding the lines, overlapping eachother, but where are you? what do i look under to find the number for that voice of reason, of love of hope and honesty on the other side of the dial tone?

i kiss you and its like coming home. i felt centered, safe with your arms tight, your lips anchoring mine. i am at ease with your body pressed against mine. you are so known to me, familiar. your touch, your taste, the way you skim your hand along my face before kissing my cheek. its as if i've known you before loved you before, been loved by you. its bittersweet this knowledge of you, of the you in a parallel world somewhere where she didnt exist and i do

like a brothers grimm tale as a prince you stand holding a dainty golden slipper, a one-size-fits-none standard that i vainly strive to meet. i cut off my toes, gouge my heels, grit my teeth through the pain destroying who i am, until it is what you seek. but the blood seeps over the sides, dripping onto the carpet like tears, betraying my desperation, shaming me into flight. and you laugh, because you knew all along that i wasn't your cinderella.