i like the lines "eat your white flag" and "the numbness i rejected". i think you jumped from point to point to quickly for anything to really catch and sink in. the overall fellings i get is more annoyance than say, rage or anger or dissapointment. it also seems very unpersonal, but i think this could be an amazing piece very easily. happy writing!

the rhyming really takes away from the message of the poem, especially when you contort sentences to fit the rhyme. "that in our friendship burns a small flame..." it a good subject, and overall a good poem but i think it could be much stronger and much more seriouse if you removed the rhymes and use structure or pauses to organize it. happy writing!

im impressed. you made me feel your feelings as well as remember my own of a similar situation. i agree with the above short story comment, id love to read it if you do. happy writing!

i like the line "it mocks him" but when you refer to his mortal body, i expect you to refer to his not-mortal body, we'll say. overall i like it, a little sparse on the details but good nonetheless. happy writing!

towards the end of the piece, your writing smoothed out and became less about the words and more about the story and the people in it. i liked it. i do think that the premise and storyline are good, but that the choice of words in the begining are a little bit overkill, especially the first few sentences "yellow sulfuric glow of a tempest as it spat forth lines of dihydrogen oxide". lines like "Her mouth hung slightly open, a habit he grew to love, pale pink lips forever parted. It was effort...

its a good storyline and a good idea but theres alot of telling about feelings and thoughts and less about feeling and thinking. its also a little sparse on the details. dialogue would be good for the feeling/thinking thing. you write well and i loved the name you chose. id really like to reread it if you decide to revise it. happy writing!