i love it. i would recommend one change. "colors of a wraped present, saying that love is long." just work on that line.

i don't like it very much. Um...i think your imagery needs work. And you need to flesh out the idea of the piece better. Also i do like the anamorphic structure of the "or not", but you should it end it with or not too.

okay. so am not going to read this. and for one reason only. it is not in the right format for a screenplay. you can find the right format here: http://www.oscars.org/nicholl/format_a.txt and here: http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Formatting/formatting.html this one explains better. also if you want to have a program do it for you there are many. I use Final Draft. which is here: http://www.finaldraft.com/ if it were in the right format i would read it willingly

oh my god. That is beautiful. the end needs work though. take out the exclamation point and the "I draw well too" and just add something. besides that phenomenal. the 9 is because of the end. it would be a ten. i swear.

i like it, until about 2/3 of the way. the end : I tell you, I’m pretty sweet and juicy. should be I tell you, I’m pretty, sweet, and juicy. and the beginning, you should take out: the love you forbid yourself. it is just repetitive.

you need to flesh out the idea more. i think it is pretty good. also why is Fate capitalized. You need to say what is going on more. that is all. good bye. nite. forever.

And then I dream of the one to be my wife. should be when i dream of you as one day my wife besides that pretty good. as you say. your first. shows promise. i wanna see more even if the review thing says i cant say that. i think it shows a writerly touch,