Its a neat idea the only problem is that you need to work on the form drasticlly, so much so that it's not a poem right now its just "flash fiction." With time it can become cool, it just needs a rewrite.

Its a good quote, corect title, true message, good job.

I know what your talking about I usally have a hard time thinking about what too write. It was an ok peace it did not flow as well as it could, as far as grammar mine is atrocious so I did not see anything wrong with it, all and all I would put it away for a few weeks and look at it again, if you do that it should be a cool piece.

Wow that is the best take on a myth I have ever read, the only thing stoping it from perfection (and I do mean literlly) is the beginning. The problem is that it drags and doesnt have a good flow to it, but the real killer is "A wad of cash, a bag of chips" this is really out of place even though you do tie in the chips with the story later on, this needs to be changed to something else. Also it is a short story even though it does have a poem's form, and this is good for any age. Good luck t...

The intro was done very well, with the imagery used to describe the old womans face. Also the part were the princess was talking about her mare, in what was posted this delivers a sense of a filled out world, not a linear one that the plot line follows. The only thing that bothers me is that you do not develop the princess as a character, it would be a great story if you did add some personality to her. Good luck to ya.

Its very simple, and thats what makes it good. The only advise that I can give is that you should strive to not have to post a comment before the poem, it should speek for itself. Just keep working on it.

Thats exactly what I strive for. The problem is that you rambled after the second paragraph, it's mearly you restating the theam. Unfortunately there is no more chardonnay by the end. If you were to cut this into two poems then it would work very well.

This work has alot of potential, I think you should describe the poem with human features, that would add personality both literally and figuratively.

Yeah that sums up religion, its a strange almost strenuous to have a paragraph before a poem-in a poem. This should be changed to a complete "block style" short story, or to be rewritten as a poem. It has good imagery with the "smiting," it just needs to go one way or another.

Your a saint, the world needs more people like you.