Nice...suger cookies are beter.

Wow that was very good it turned my smile upside down it was very realistic. The good thing about it was that it wasnt a story that is unrealistic in its form and composition. Now for what I didnt like the story seemed to drag a little bit but besides that its really well writen.

Hmm it's an interesting theme from a basic part of life in our most-monderate suburbian life, personaly i did not really like it all to much but there is some talent.

Well it's all part of a core idea of your self let me explane. If you were to ask to be turly free all there would be is you and endless whiteness and you, that is true freedom but what if you wanted a ground to sit to stand to play on then you woude loss a degree of freedom. So with that do people chose to be tied down, yes for it is comforting and its all we know.

A truly dark poem that incorporated the ideas of a person causing the pain of life. And for that I shall and to it and put my quote of life "black and white was not enough I want vibrance said the man." Keep up the good work its a very moving poem.

Heck yeah thats wicked its a mock of mary higgans clark.

Hey thats really cool its alot like something I am currently working on. The pace was set right, the action was not jummbled like most storys, the only thing that was sketchy is the fact that its bordering on the golden compass which is not really all big of a deal. All and all I enjoyed it and shall look ahead for when I shall read more.

First off the biggest problem with your story is that you do not describe the setting enough there was too much dialog. The largest redeeming factor was how well you knew your characters in the story it gave the story a life like feeling to it. Over all I did not like the story too much because it's too normal, which is no big deal because it much better than any short story I have ever writen.