vampyrchik's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 17
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 17
I say what I mean, and mean what I say. Writing to me is about getting a point across (hopefully) in an entertaining way. I write about things that I see that matter to me. I’m hoping to take it further, but I guess time will tell. If it is meant to be, it will happen.
:-)
Items
Version 1
14 Reviews
6 Comments
[verse 1] Every day you call for me With words laced with blame You try to make me someone else As I hang my head in shame [verse 2] Even when I'm on my own I still get no relief Your sounds echo round my brain Until I get to sleep [chorus] Let me have my dreams tonight Let me have some peace when I close my eyes Let me shut it out that awful noise The sound of your voice The sound of your voice [verse 3] I'm waiting for that fateful day When you finally realise That I can't be your perfect g...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
13 Reviews
6 Comments
I love that you are hard and tough I love your warmth inside I love your wit and laughter I love your kiss goodnight You have been gone so long Still I miss your face I still feel you around me Even in this empty place It was hard to let you go Even though we said goodbye I remember you turned away So I wouldn’t see you cry I wanted to wish you’d stay But too clearly I saw your pain So instead I prayed you’d find peace On the day you went away So many things I should have done So many words I...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
15 Reviews
5 Comments
[chorus] Walk away - 'coz it's the easy thing to do Walk away - you're not gonna make me blue Walk away - 'coz I know I'll get over you [verse 1] I'm tired of being down I'm tired of being used I'm not gonna be the doormat Who cleans the dirt off you [verse 2] I wanted you to see the person I was I wanted you to see the person I could be But it don't matter now 'Coz that person's gone [chorus] Walk away - it's the only thing to do Walk away - your love for me ain't true Walk away - 'coz I won...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
14 Reviews
13 Comments
[Verse 1] You say "Baby I love you, Baby I miss you Hun I didn't mean to hurt you" But if I've heard it once Then I've heard it before And now you ask me why As I'm walking out the door [Chorus] Love doesn't have The face of a fist [Verse 2] I say I'm better than that I don't love you that much And I will never hide my face from the world If I've said it once Then I'll say it again But you can listen to these words As I'm walking out the door [Chorus] Love doesn't have The face of a fist [Bri...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
18 Reviews
10 Comments
[chorus] You're so jaded Manipulated Even before we were created You'd already painted me... Jaded Manipulated Even before we were created You'd already painted me Down I think that I can help you You just have to let me Show you what my love can do to your heart - set it free We could be so happy You just have to let it be Leave your luggage in the past, come and look to the future with me [chorus] You're so jaded Manipulated Even before we were created You'd already painted me Jaded Manipul...
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Reviews
I did like this, though I admit I am a little lost on where the tieing the shoe comes into it... maybe if you knew how to tie your shoe you wouldn't have fallen? but if you were using the analagy of being a piece of clothing on the line, they don't have shoes to tie, and it is circumstance and a grip not tight enough (of the peg ie a loose link) that causes them to fall. I was a little lost though on what you were trying to say, though I think I may have gotten there in the end. The point is,...
Very thought provoking story. Though the concept of a world of clay as simplistic as you describe it opens a whole can of worms of it's own i.e. how would anybody recognise anyone else if they looked different every day etc. On it's own, without extending your mind to the wide implications though, it's a nice story with a clear message. I would like to see Rebecca's personality developed a bit more though - if she is previously untouched and unchanged, why does she choose now to be something ...
I would be intrigued to read the next part of this to see where it was going. It needs a bit of a tidy up, for example you use his name far too often for it to flow nicely. Also there are some parts I would like to see expanded on. What happened with the woman at the party? Did he leave with her, or without her? If he (in his opinion) was good at his job, why did he get fired? Also people usually know they have been fired before they check their bank account as the funds from the last days th...
An intriguing story, but a little predictable. It also feels a little unfinished. Did Johnny live or die? Did Manny and Enrique get caught or crash or escape? Why did Enrique choose Johnny to shoot? Was it random, or was there some prior history between the two? I did find the language a little rough going, but that is probably just because I'm not used to hearing people talk that way and the regional slang used. The individual characters could be developed more to really bring out their indi...
75.0% Review Quality (4 Votes)
I enjoyed reading this, and it's a good starting point for a longer series/story. It felt a little clunky and/or repetitive in some places and needs a bit of a tidy up to really start engaging the reader from the first page. Some things seemed a little simplistic though, like Shepherd just happening to know the list of the others was in the pocket of the mans coat (and why would he be casually carrying around such an important list anyway?), and the fact that the man was so forthcoming with i...
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