vampyre44's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Cooperstown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 30
LOC: Cooperstown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 30
My name is Erin.
I am 15.
I live in New York.
I love writing, but i usually have to be in the mood (aka something drastic has to happen)
I write mostly when im depressed (or think i am :P)
I also love music, its my life.
Likes: hiking, backpacking, softball, ultimate frisbee, rafting, rivers, anime and manga, reading, video games, etc.
Items
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For my whole life, I have lived in the same town of Turkenshire, in the same country of Bromania. I have lived with Papa and Mother, as well as my sister, Isabella, and my brother, Sebastian. I have lived in the same wooden cottage, surrounded by Mother’s plentiful gardens. But since I was born, I have never known what lies past The Gate. The Gate, as it is called in our village, is a large, wooden fence that borders my yard. The actual gateway is barred and locked so that no one could...
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Prologue The beautiful girl raced through the dark forest of Translyvania, not daring to look over her shoulder. The twigs and rotten leaves snapped and crackled under her feet as she ran. Tears of fear dripped down her mud-caked face. A dark shadow flew over her. It was a large, onyx-coloured bat, with pitch black eyes that would frighten even the most courageous man. Extending its massive wings, the bat turned into a man. He was tall, with charcoal-coloured hair, and the same pitch black ey...
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Late nights of thinking and endless dreaming The same old thing every day. No longer believing, I feel like screaming; I don't know how to win this game. Chorus: No way to release these feelings, Slowly breaking me And trying to shake me. Please don't let them come and take me! I'm choking on these words, My lungs are slowly collapsing. Throat dry but I want to be heard, Won’t you kindly lend your ears? No way to release these feelings, Slowly breaking me and trying to shake me. Please ...
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A deep plunge into the depth of the unknown. Shadows surround, suffocating my hollow breaths, slowly drifting me into a world of silence. I try to reach out, towards the light, (a pointless and failing grasp, I know) and into the darkness I fall. And yet, I am lifted, towards a shining light, tranquil and bright, by the arm, the arm of a friend. I emerge.
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A handsome fox; prematurely greying, fur long and it hangs in a fringe over one eye an eye of gorgeous blue. This fox is sly, always has a grin. The sound that comes from it's mouth is music to my ears. I shall name this fox Keith.
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Reviews
This poem obviously has a lot of emotion behind it, and I honor that. It seemed a bit scrambled though, and there were a few punctuation marks I questioned. Overall, the message was passed through and that is the imperative motive of a poem. Good job. Keep on keeping on.
I liked this poem. It was really different. I liked your use of vocabulary too. This was my favorite line: "Nature abhors a straight line, seldom using the ruler," Keep on keeping on.
Beautiful poem. It bothered me the way that you set up the rhyme pattern though. It was mostly because the first stanza didn't fit into the rhyme pattern. But it does make your poem different and I give you credit for that. Keep on keeping on.
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