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vickb's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 17
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 17
Heya,
I’m Vicky, I’ve just turned 18 and live in a small city called Newport in South Wales. One of my hobbies is reading and writing so I’m looking forward to reading some of your work. I would also love to know what people think of my writing, good or bad.
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Version 1
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I held the blade lightly over my arm, a flicker of my reflection shining in the light of the knife. Man, I was ugly. Despicably ugly. Mud brown eyes that were sunken and puffy. A dark purple bruise was slowly fading underneath my right eye. Freckles ran along the bridge of my nose, hidden beyond cuts that were etched on my face. Big, dumbo ears stuck out over my dark-blonde hair. I was so damn ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. I pressed the blade sharply against my skin, waiting for the pain to overc...
Version 1
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Chapter Two He stood still for a moment, not moving an inch. His body postured like a statue, his hands at his sides, curled into fists. His hair was short, shaggy and slowly fading from bronze to snowy white. Wrinkles were worn into his forehead; his face creased with age. He was a serious man, his face gaunt and withered. His stony, black eyes were piercing and powerful behind the glasses that were perched on the bridge of his nose. I felt my heart drum as he took a step towards me. He wasn...
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Reviews
I liked it. I like how each one is about loving, but each one is unique and differant. I might change the last line: So love even it is from afar. I think a word is missing here: So love even IF it is from afar??? I might also change the line: Love the one that loves who you are to something like: Love the one that loves you FOR who you are. Something like that maybe? Hope some of this helped. Great poem.
I was sitting in the parking lot last night I was thinking about all the good times we had As I watched as the clock marked the beginning of a new day I laughed ~ This first verse is good, but I think you could cut the as from the third line, without this the I is repeated on the four lines, and adds emphazise. You were two year younger then me ~ two years younger than me I like that you use people's speech in this poem as well, I haven't read many poems with that.
Heya, I liked this story, it was full of suspense, I had to read on to see what was going to happen. There were a few speling that I found, but I won't point them out, you can find them when you edit this. There was also a lot of great detail and description in this. Ovarall, a great start, and it did hook me. I loved the ending as well. I would like to read more.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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