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AGE: 21
LAST LOGIN: December 20

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Poetry / 1945
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
In the crowd of waving flags, I see your face, thinner, tired, But smiling like you used to. I blush a little as you find my eyes, And slipping through the energetic bodies, You find my hand, pull me towards The scratchy green fabric that feels like home. Wordlessly we glide gracefully, a perfect duet spinning through the couples, my two inch heels a flurry below my feet, and the new skirt I saved so long for, swirling by my side. You cheekily glance down and smile. I’ve got better at drawin...
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Poetry / Neil
Version 3
1 Review   0 Comments
Coming to, I looked around My stranger had gone But left his mark My trousers down And bruises fresh Bite marks And scars Inside my mind And on my legs Broken cursing visions spilling out of my head And the blood of lust left slowly staining My hands shaking I curled up small And silently making A quiet ball I lay empty and hollow And for all my pride I couldn’t swallow
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Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
All it took her was a fist to a face, To conjure up the new man in her mind, Helping her forgot the beast’s rough embrace, A man whose sweet kisses she longs to find. On a bed of stone he slashes her skin, Did this beast with his razored, bloodstained claws. He can’t hear the man already within, Between his staggered pants and lustful roars. The beast ignores her tears and painful frown- She is his little doll, designed to serve. In her dreams he traces a finger down, From her arching neck to...
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Poetry / Neil
Version 2
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Coming to, I looked around My stranger had gone But left his mark My trousers down And bruises fresh Bite marks And scars Inside my mind And on my legs Broken cursing visions spilling out of my head And the blood of lust left slowly staining My hands shaking I curled up small And silently making A quiet ball I lay empty and hollow And for all my pride I couldn’t swallow
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Poetry / river
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
an old woman is standing her worn clothes wrapped tightly about her her eyes are tired nervously she looks upon my crystal surface a withered face is looking back it begins to rain and her grey hair sticks to her skin she uncurls her witchlike fingers a crust of mouldy bread i shudder she tears and throws it at me as the ducks squawking and menacing tread over my body gobble up the soaking crumbs crumbs from the witchlike hands
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Haiku/Senryu / Savor
I was directed here for a contrast to my poem "Wine Bar", and I'm glad I looked! Very interesting take on alcohol as positive, I usually write, and read, about drink in a gloomy light. I also like the haiki form which keeps the poem very focused, with a nice cycle through day and life. The last line is perfect. Thank you for sharing.
Good job! You write quite similarly to me (on a good day!) Very powerful imagery, especially the first and second lines, and the last (kinda cliche but oddly it works.) The flow is generally nice with a subtle rhyme scheme, yet "whim" threw me off a little, maybe not the right word. Also I wasn't sure about the "inspiration" line, I don't think the "no one knew" bit works, maybe I found it over the top or just kind of unecessary. Anyway you can have a look at it. Nice work, look forward to re...
This is a very interesting piece, and is successful in holding the readers attention. I found it original and you obviously have a good imagination! There are a few pieces of advice I have listed below that I think could really help make your writing stronger; 1. The beginning is good, the reader is just as confused as Lily! I would make her memory even more fuzzy, and make her feel more scared. Her terror would reflect on the reader which would make the beginning even more exciting. 2. You d...
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