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vision's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Snellville, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 25
LOC: Snellville, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 25
I love the idea of this site and hope they expand, as well as publicize, it more! I’m a 20 year old college student searching. (It’d be too long to list what for.) It’s hard for me to write about myself online without it sounding as though I’m signing up on a single’s site, but oh well: I know what I want out of life, just trying to come up with the means to do it all – sadly, writing tends not to be one of the golden roads. But I discover more about myself each time I write and, ironically enough, it confuses the hell out of me even more. It’s nice to read other people’s work and either get it and relate when you think no one else does or not get it and relate for that reason alone. Life is crazy, but life is good!
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Lullaby My mother would chime lullabies in luminous voice surges-- Where the myrrh of an eternity of sycamores, swayed musically with marigolds and tendril aloft a cerulean hush of dawn. This was her hymn— (As extraordinary as too young Should have been.) Some time later, she would tipple chalice to pass the time of watching wisteria grow in our back yard. Until her taste was never clever enough, her lips never purple enough. The jolt having aborted to something less than weak. Too fragile to...
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It’s the way you look comin’ off that bus stop, That’s got me searchin’ everyday. How your man won’t know I watch you And how you still smile then say “Hey”. It’s that he can’t know I’m dreamin’ Of licking clouds of cream off of your thigh And how you always come home late And just laugh when he asks why. It’s the times I gotta turn my head And pretend that I don’t know, Or watch you nuzzle up his neck But wink to me—it’s all for show. It’s that I know his childhood nickname And we call him o...
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Here's to what could be: the melting of two candles, two bodies the clarity of smoke, the suffication the union of wax and the union of soul the conclusion of heat, of fire That is Us.
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Let's talk about sex. How I'm not suppose to say the word and you're not suppose to listen. How two silhouettes dance on walls and two ghosts mold white sheets. Let's talk about the way it feels. How it melts a body back to dust and gales it light as air. Let's talk about the ecstacy and the Heaven of it all, and how It's as closecloseclose as you'll ever be. Let's talk about the business of it How it climbs higher, higher higher! And then ! Ohhhh! (But never mix business with pleasure dear.....
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Let's talk about sex. How I'm not suppose to say the word and you're not suppose to listen. How two silhouettes dance on walls and two ghosts mold white sheets. Let's talk about the way it feels. How it melts a body back to dust and gales it light as air. Let's talk about the ecstacy and the Heaven of it all, and how It's as closecloseclose as you'll ever be. Let's talk about the business of it How it climbs higher, higher higher! And then ! Ohhhh! (But never mix business with pleasure dear.....
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I like the message of this poem a lot. I can see you have a gift with words, however, a major part of poetry is meter. I'm, not sure there is a consistency in the rhythm at all, which take away one the most prominent factors of poetry-musicality. Poetry takes a lot of practice, but you are young and on your way it seems. Just try to take in account the "beat" of the poem and it's relation to the message. I like the atypical rhymes you use also;)
Wow, this poem is absolutely beautiful. I felt sucked in. It reads so romantically and poetically/melidiously. I got slightly confused at the line "So intensely repulsive to us, alive/ That lids close in reverence". "Alive" seems displaced or incoherent. But the words you use are gorgeous and the setting you create is incredibly vivacious and intriguing.
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Reads beautifully. I think "malleability" doesn't fit too well. Something more simple would be in better sequence with the context of the poem. I also think I would take out "don't forget to date me", I don't really understand the significance of the line in relation to the rest of the work, seems out of place. Other than that, this poem is lovely and enjoyable.
Your language is gorgeous, but at times a little superfluous. I can relate to the plot, I've been doing it for the past hour it seems... You begin with a fact yet end with the already answered question- seems doomed really. I like that you include "vague", "orange", and "almond"; the poem itself is ironic and clever. "Idle idylls" is catchy.
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