weallfloaton's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Edwardsville, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
LOC: Edwardsville, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
I am a beginer poet . i find poetry entertaining to read and write. iI know im a novice in the art but i hope to better my skill and exspecially my vocabulary (lol).
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Version 2
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... You green eyed star in your rinky dink car with the wild Brunette hair of yesterday. Your laugh is just so cute, with the little snort and a hoot, so pretty I’d sell my life away. The kindness of a child Is revealed in that smile With a shine of a hallmark pun. he grace of your walk Makes everyone talk, for its beauty cannot be outdone. Yet, The intensity in those eyes Even prettier when they cry, Truly gives you beauty times three. And so, my Achilles heel I hoped I revealed Just why you...
Version 1
1 Review
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I need you dear, The sunrise of my life, I’m breaking with all these sunsets. You’re my dew, my cool morning fog, My breath of fresh air, That seems to fill me more with life Than life itself, I wish you were here...near, And you wouldn’t have to talk. A silent tree breaks the wind, A Beautiful You breaks the pain, The roots of your presence Tear me apart, but hold me within So I need you here, When pain is gusting in, With the cool morning breeze, Paired with the soul, Of my Dearest, Loving,...
Version 2
5 Reviews
1 Comment
The day goes by as I pack your bags You’ll leave me tonight, I move very slow I hope you won’t go. We finish our task and I drive you to work, I wait all night. As if I’m in church, praying the clock's tick Nine I pick you up with a gift in hand, We drive to your home, and I can’t understand Why your mom talks so long, I just want to go To the basement where we can feel close. We’re finally released, and I hurry downstairs. We flirt a little as we sit on your couch, like always, Just with the...
Version 1
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Grey hairs grow Wrinkles show And daughters Flee with love I sit on my porch swing And gaze, the sky above. I tap my feet to MCR On my age old mp3, Marvel the setting sun as pretty as ever It chilled cold, For I am old And walked into my home, I met my love, A charming wink, Her blushed cheeks graced my lips, And I sat down Upon my weightless rocker. I played some 360 and passed to a book Of Allan Poe, Torn and worn with love.
Version 2
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Madness we seek shackles our feet to the dirt. For this detention, loosens no tension without hurt. The bulge of our pockets, our pants in fact create that key we yearn to unshakle bare feet, minds, and weights off our back. Yet we yearn on, blind and unaware, of the simple answer all ready known, just left in the past without a care. The childish eye we once had, gives breath to our feet to cast loose from the dirt. Gives life to our minds to fix what is hurt. And straightens our backs, reli...
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Reviews
Fist off most poems with a large vocabulary just plummet, but this piece, was completely the opposite. Its graceful flow and attractiveness really brought something. You have a lot of skill, but on the contrary, this might not have been the best poem to use them. The next big problem is why it was awkward, a large vocabulary being forcefully used in a poem do not give it much emotion. So on that note, I would consider maybe using your way with a large vocabulary in another piece for I sense t...
What's next!! What’s wrong with his appearance? I like this so far, grammar is good and dialogue is good. I see no problems and am aching for more. Good write all around
That was cool. It led up to the climax nicely but I think it needs more description of the scene itself or of why the speaker is doing this awful deed. Wasn’t very scary for it did not feel personal, with a little more editing (like the small bit about terrorists getting your identity was a little off subject) this could become a nice little terror. Good luck.
To me it seems that this poem is in steps, first gorgeous teen, then gorgeous mother, yet her looks hide her cruelty and evil nature, you then go to a description of when she attempts to make up you forget about the terror and come close. Im guessing this speaker is the child? this is a great poem it deserves a ten. you could have taken to a whole different place , but this is original. Great write and good luck
well put, the funniest thing about death is that you will never see the after math for death never comes but to the others living, so it coinceds with what you said. I read this like 10 times for some reason.
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