Wow, I didn't read previous versions, but this is fantastic. The first word is missing a 'W' "Wind" Bravo!!! WebWriter

A perfect 10. I am glad you directed me to this piece, your writing is so defined and I can learn a lot from it. I could visualize and feel every second of every line- the twisting blade of deceipt. The last 3 lines are powerful. Very well done.

I found this piece a great little story and a great resourse for information on dreams- a topic that has always been debated. I can see this writing in a magazine, or as a newspaper column- telling a story that is very interesting and directing the reader of the Sunday paper of websites to search on the subject. I have not read any of your other writings (though I will now), but if they are similar in entertainment and information- I'd try to get a side-job as a column writer!! Very well done...

Being a Gemini, I find this an interesting take on the 2 halves. A few awkward things that stick out for me: Children of the Corn- I think that could be reworded. If it pertains to the movie, not all have seen it and if a person has- that's a pretty strong comparison. Also, you may have used it just to rhyme? "The Twins without two seperate bodies" could be 'Twins without seperate bodies' Also, I like that one burns the midnight oil, but why choose karate? Good poetry doesn't have to rhyme ex...

"So they thought thought, fuck it, and buried her under a headstone for victims of the blitz along with about fifty British civilians. Legend has it, if you take a pink nail up there and hammer it into the headstone,” he said, almost embarrassed, “she comes out of her grave, drags you in, and that’s the last thing you ever see.” *** pasted for reference- you have "So they thought thought", an extra one in there. Some of what Douglas thinks to himself is in italics, some is not. Just needs a r...

Ok, this is so good with 100 words exactly. You told a whole (scary if you ask me) story in 100 words- amazing. It creeped me out, yet I can see it being the future- sadly enough. Great impact- I can't think of a thing to change. I think you are going to "Kill" in the Drabble Contest. Regards- WebWriter

"The "What if?" that plague's" should be plagues I found this to be a confusing read. You go back and forth between throwing caution to the ground and advise on why not to. Perhaps breaking those issues into 2 seperate paragraphs, complete thoughts on their own would make it easier to read. I don't get the final message, and I'd like to know more about what you've lost because you threw caution to the ground and duct-taped conscience in the closet. That's a powerful statement, but I would lik...

"If I was a more perceptive man" should be 'were' I wish I could "suspend" a rating because I don't think it's ready to publish in this state, but here are my thoughts on this piece. First, this is from the heart and from the gut. It's hard to critique on that. My suggestion is to go back over it, now that you've "said" it on paper and put it into a more publishable (is that a word?) form..... IF that is what you wish to do with it. I myself, would keep this version in an envelope addressed t...

Very original. I read it 3 times and got more out of it each time, kindof like one of those movies where the more times you watch it the more things you see. This is so original that I don't want to play with it. Just a couple of things that strike me, but maybe they are supposed to! "Travel with me to the dark side of dreams, my new abode We will climb back into the preservation tank, our home" Does "my new abode" have added meaning to "our home"? It reads to me as the same and maybe "my new...

Hello, I'd first like to say that I don't like the word "critique" much, as it seems to come across as having a negative meaning. Having said that, I want to point out some things I noticed as well as giving an overall review. As a fellow writer I would want the same. "We had to have to be similar, but not too similar." *** remove the 'to have' to read 'We had to be similar...." Shiny armor should be shining armor if you're going for the common saying. "The moral of my paint by number boyfrie...