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wma119's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Sewell, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 21
LOC: Sewell, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 21
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Items
Version 2
12 Reviews
0 Comments
Oh, I’ll tell you She’s a river This waitress mistress A native girl by the name of Shay-meh Go ahead and walk by real slow Only you can help me forget Engaging, enraging my libido The lies, influence, faces of the Hollywood advert Pour me a cup of caffeine induced laughter Catching bits of stories as you pass by drifting banter I can’t help but stare at you from across the lobby Trying to deny my temptation, my humanity, only ends in folly Such beauty, so full of pride Chin up walking on air...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Oh, I’ll tell you She’s a river This waitress mistress A native girl by the name of Shay-meh Go ahead and walk by real slow Only you can help me forget Engaging, enraging my libido The lies, the influence, and faces of the Hollywood advert Pour me a cup of caffeine induced laughter Catching bits of stories as you pass by drifting banter I can’t help but stare at you from across the lobby Trying to deny my temptation, my humanity, only ends in folly Such beauty, so full of pride Chin up walkin...
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Reviews
it fits the country genre more so. it is good i liked it. it established a balance of simplicity and heartfelt emotion. i write poetry and lyrics and have been in bands so i think musically when it comes to lyrics. i like this because i can see a fit. i see the blues in the chorus. i think i would like to hear how you would arrange melodically along with music. its good
amazing. be careful though the wording may fly over some peoples heads. as you know by now most people just dont have the mental capacity to understand you vocabulary. but in my mind thats what makes it great. its so smart and it made me want to see where it was going. it didnt use elaborate wording just for the sake of using them, it was clear. don't change and dismiss criticisms that say that its too high brow. this so unique and certainly one of the better ones ive seen. its almost like cl...
there isn't much of anything i disliked about this. im feelin it, i enjoyed it, it made me feel something. and when a poem does that, thats more than anyone can ask for. all of it fit nicely together with a great intro and closing at the end. you have talent. like i said there isn't much here to criticize. it is good. i guess all i could say is i wanna see your other stuff, to see your range, but good work
i am a child of the 80s as well. it is heartwarming in a nostalgic sense. its relatable because people remember that time. i think there is a lot of surface scratching and you could have went deeper. i would suggest building more on it. it has a foundation it just needs to be built upon.
i love this poem. very very smart. you are very talented. very brave. this has wow factor, very thought provoking. this will probably piss people off which is good. i think this fantastic. i am sincerely blown away. i have no criticisms. my advise is keep writing and write plenty you have real talent and the cerebral capacity to make it special. i would love to see more of your work. this kind of work inspires people including myself to not just write but really think and move.
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