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I think anyone who has ever done a science project will appreciate you fascination with this subject. This is an enjoyable piece to read. The beginning put me in the mind of "Eating Fried Worms." There is nothing like childhood embarrassment to spark light-hearted drama. I'm not sure that, "Which is why" is the spropriate way to begin a sentence, let alone a paragraph," but I like to see the rules broken every now and then The two "For a while"s in the beginning felt like refrains, but then t...

I read part one of this piece and thoroughly enjoyed it, but felt that it lacked some of the development and depth the characters deserved. In this part, I have some of the same thoughts, but it seems to be heading in the right direction. The most satisfying part of the whole thing is the conversation and growing relationship with Karel. It is only here that I begin to understand you (I'm assuming you are the narrator; Rice/Smoo). I spent a few days in Zagreb a few years ago and your descript...

I usually don't go much for the rhymey poetry, but this one broke the mold. You began with a beautiful description of a sunset and effortlessly transformed it into a story about a terminal illness. You finally closed with a call for healing. You've done a masterful job here. Wonderful.

The love that Laura expresses for Abby through her actions makes for a very sweet story. The big sister looking out for her little sister at a difficult emotional time is heartwarming. I only have three items that hung me up a little: “Waiting for what, the water to evaporate?” -> This seemed a little mature for the younger child to say. When you introduce the mother, it takes six sentences to establish the relationship between them. You introduce her as "a woman in her mid-forties with gl...

I enjoyed this. I visualized the transformation easily. Is Isa, a "Jesus" character in your larger work? It is hard to know what to say out of context since this is such a brief excerpt. To make this more expressive, you may want to explore the other senses. What does Isa experience throughout this exchange? Go beyond sight. What does he hear in the surroundings and in the quality of Leo's voice? Does he smell anything, foul or fragrant? Does he feel anything in the air or on his skin when Le...