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writerchic's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Columbus, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 22
LOC: Columbus, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 22
Right now I don’t know what to say about myself. Perhaps I’ll write something later…
Items
Version 1
13 Reviews
16 Comments
Isadora Destine stood silent by the wagon’s wheel, watching as her husband spoke to a few of the men. She tried to remain calm, reserved, which was easier to do when her daughter stuck her head through the canvas, and Isadora shushed and berated her until she withdrew within the wagon. Stephen suddenly looked away from the other men, off into the distance, searching for something in the dusty haze. The noon day sun seared the earth, making the air ripple like a mirage around them. Despite her...
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Version 1
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0 Comments
So i haven't been on urbis in a long time. i was a little distracted by graduation (yeah!) and my job (boo). i was working almost 40 hrs. every week, and for me, that was a lot. of course, then i moved into my dorm (go buckeyes!). i did however finish ch. 3 of my work during all that. i'm going to be taking off the chapters of my work, until i get a few things sorted out, then i will repost them. hopefully, they'll be good.
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Reviews
Firstly, I just want to say that you've got some talent, but there is always room for improvement. You piece reminds me of stories I use to write when I was your age; it's amazing what five years can do. First off: the word is fahrenheit (not fair and height). And, I don't know if it was a typo, but it should be out back, not outback. The word outback is used to describe a sparsely inhabited or wilderness region, especially in Australia (unless his backyard really is like the outback lol). Th...
It seems you have a very wide and diverse world within your story. I enjoyed ready it very much, but there are a few things that could be done that would help the piece. 'The petite woman with dark mahogany waist-length braided hair, and silver talent’s locks at both temples turned tri-colored green, and blue ringed eyes on her middle child.' This sentence is awkward, a little weird. It ruins the flow of the piece. I found other sentences like this, mostly when you were describing characters....
I was very interested in reading this from the start. You grabbed my attention, at least, and held it. I’ve tried to dream my mother back to life.-this line really jumped out to me. I liked it a lot. I think it speaks volumes about the characters feelings for his mother, even before you get really deep into the story. This line also made a lot more sense after finding out that the narrator's dreams can come true. I liked your descriptions as you explained what was going to happen when Earth a...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Never having read the other two parts, I was a bit apprehensive reading so long a piece with no prior information. But, at least for me, the beginning interested me, it grabbed me. “gently reminding him that he’s wandered too high astray from its safe embrace.” There was something awkward about this sentence for me. I think it was the combination of ‘high’ and ‘astray’ together like that. I think it would sound better if you used one or the other. I loved the description of the body (both the...
Overall a very interesting piece. I like how you didn't start out by telling the reader that she is a vampire, I was able to know her (if only a little) before you threw that info into the story. I am interested to know why the people have locked up their own assassin, or has she been captured-if she has that fact wasn't completely clear. Of course, they could have locked her up because she is a vampire and they fear her, but it seems like she wasn't the first or only one-which is just a gues...
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