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writingfrenzy's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Holmdel, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 01
LOC: Holmdel, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 01
My name’s David, I’m 20 and I’m a person who’s an oddball at times, but knows when it’s the time to be serious. I crack a lot of jokes (which gets on people’s nerves sometimes…), read, write (poetry and thrillers, to be specific), sing, play tennis…erm…that’s really it for now. Email me if you want to know more.
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Version 2
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Chapter 1 They say blondes are dumb, but whoever started that stereotype really thought ignorance was bliss. Ashley Gyles bent over Daniel Ritter’s limp body, her long, bright blond hair drooping down and brushing his pale face. She scooped up his Colt and pocketed it just in case the man overpowered the tranquilizer holding his paranoid brain down. Ashley’s sharp, dark eyes scanned the room, then cringed when they struck a family picture. So he can never let go, even after three years, she t...
Version 1
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Memories of us, such souvenirs, Covered with dust, it seems like years. Days and nights of things unsaid, Thoughts of you just fill my head. There are so many things to say. All for now, no other day. So amazing how much we’ve changed, So amazing how things rearranged. Looking at our past through a glass pane, Through a window that’s driving me insane. A window that I want to break, But without you, it will not shake. Do you remember those times of old? All those times, and the stories we tol...
Version 1
6 Reviews
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Chapter 1 They say blondes are dumb, but whoever started that stereotype really thought ignorance was bliss. Ashley Gyles bent over Daniel Ritter’s limp body, her long, bright blond hair drooping down and brushing his pale face. She scooped up his Colt and pocketed it just in case the man overpowered the tranquilizer holding his paranoid brain down. Ashley’s sharp, dark eyes scanned the room, then cringed when they struck a family picture. So he can never let go, even after three years, she t...
Version 1
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Come on in, I’ve got seats to fill. The road of life is no place to chill. Hell’s locked in the trunk, no need to worry. With all the speed, our boredom’s gone blurry. Hit the gas, forget the brakes, Life’s a world with few stakes. Live your life, and make it hearty. Get with friends and throw a party! You live only once, so go get moving. Live your life, adrenaline approving. Stop the whining, stop the moaning, Life isn’t meant for tears and groaning. Come with me to the Fast Lane, A road w...
Version 1
7 Reviews
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Prologue “…Now you understand why this is the best choice, for everyone.” The red recording light from the video camera in front of me reminded me of the devil. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because red symbolized heat, and Hell is pretty damn hot. Or because the devil is supposedly red. I sighed, almost smiling at the childish thoughts, trying to get them out of my head. I focused on the matter at hand, which was not one to joke about. I focused on the video camera’s lens, looking into the ey...
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Reviews
This is great. I find it an art to be able to keep a reader through long poems such as this, but this is truly great. I think your most breathtaking line is, "Every man from womb to grave possesses always the key, but the grand prestigidation is to somehow make appear the door." Again, really great job!
I like this as a first chapter. It's tantilizingly questioning, yet it gives you enough information to follow the storyline. I think that both you and this story (so far) have a lot of potential. There are a few grammatical errors (you left out some commas in certain lines; look it over a little bit more thoroughly while you add and edit), but overall a really great start. Keep it up!
Great poem! I like the personification, and also the descriptive language. You need an apostrophe in line 4 in "natures". Other than that, great write!
Watch your rhyme scheme; if you don't keep it constant throughout the poem, it becomes distracting. I like the message though. Life is not a utopia, there is pain. But living up to it shows strength. There's a spelling error in the line before the bolded paragraph in the first stanza; "they" should be "the". Nice write overall.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Make sure that you proofread your work before you submit it; even though spelling errors and grammatical problems may seem small, they affect the reader's viewpoint of the author. There are a few spelling errors: "secert" in line 4 should be "secret" "oout" in line 7 should be "out" "bak" in line 12 should be "back" put a space in "namebeing" in line 13 "Despartely" in line 15 should be "Desperately" Other than that, great poem!
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