My story feels like it begins with my disease. Everything before it entered my life is fuzzy and blurred around the edges, like it wasn’t real. I know that things led me to this place but I don’t quite believe they actually happened to me. I like to believe that in the beginning I was a different person. That over the years of mistakes and bad choices and struggling against a disease that has grown to encompass my life more and more, I have evolved into a different sort of creature than I sta...

LaLa Lain is standing on the digital scale and staring with what I can only describe as utter disbelief. This is the fourth time she has weighed herself today, the second that she has been completely naked while doing it, and each time the number staring back at her from the LCD display has been unacceptable. “I don’t know how I can be expected to work like this!” She snarls finally, flinging herself off of the scale and onto the couch where she huddles into a ball. She reaches to the floor f...

It is generally accepted that a person can become addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, prescription medication, and illegal drugs. But addictions come in many forms that the majority of people are not aware of. Something as seemingly harmless as eating can become an addiction if it starts to be abused. Eating disorders, long considered “dieting taken to the extreme,” are serious, life-threatening illnesses with many of the same mental and emotional causes that drive others to use drugs. Just as s...

human, i cannot grasp the truth of being the cardboard toilet paper roll, as exciting and as pointless as a two dollar bill, what dreams come next in this ultra-light world? neccessary, evils of the pink stuffed teddy bear, the broken light-socket the world has become, we have built the castle in this place we stand upon; you and i, the person buried next to us with the aluminum cans, glass bottle memories i can't quite remember; yesterday, the day i couldn't sleep through the rain, powder bl...

It is girl-on-girl day at Pink Plush Studios. Everyone is irritable but they don’t say anything because Censor Bitch is here to observe things and one wrong word out of anyone could get all of us fired. The Harrisons and Censor Bitch do not get along. Have never gotten along. In the beginning the Harrisons wanted to name their production company Pink Pussy Pictures. Because of their contracts with prominent financial backers, Censor Bitch got the final say on what they could call themselves. ...

Lord is fucking me from behind and it sucks because he is hung like a horse and because I hate his guts. He pumps away at me and I want to motion to one of the prop girls to bring more lube. His cock is just killing me but I know if we have to stop for any reason then shooting this scene will take even longer then it already is. The sooner I can get away from Lord the better. Lord Topper was my first friend in the business. Not the kind of friend who helped me with my problems and listened wh...

Terry gives me a ride to the doctor’s office on my day off so I can get a birth control shot and he can get a physical. He is not actually due for anything but since he will be there and doesn’t like the idea of hanging out in the waiting room with nothing to do he has scheduled a check-up anyway. All of the actors at Pink Plush make regular trips to the doctor for STD and blood testing. It took awhile to get used to in the beginning, letting them stab me with their big fat needles every few ...

Chris watches him over the top of her novel, the normal evening routine of late as Doug sits working at the computer and she stays half hidden in the background of the bedroom. The kitten attacks the bottom of his jeans and he scowls in annoyance. He can’t be too irritated, however, as he has yet to pick up the green water bottle by his left hand and shoot a spray of warm water to chase the kitten away. Chris longs to stand behind the desk chair and lean in to kiss the nape of Doug's neck, t...

PROLOGUE The road stretches out before me with Her inviting guise of eternity; never ending and never beginning but flowing forever like a slick black river beneath my silver car. The loud hum of the pavement against the bottom of the tires is a lullaby, a love song that my heart absorbs into itself so thoroughly that I can hear the voice of the road within my head, whispering for me to love Her. "Tell me a story, Poe. Tell me about the Travelers . . ." Deveney never tired of hearing the same...

I. Utopia beckons; Sunlight streams down upon fields of gold swaying in the breeze, The garden lies indescribable in its exquisite perfection, Happiness alights upon the flowers and perches there – ready and willing to fall as drops of crystal dew fall – Lapped up by eager slick tongues to envelope the mind in joy. II. Before Paradise the desert stands; I can see it, I can defeat it, I refuse to be enslaved by what seeks to destroy me; As the sun bakes the earth and I feel myself begin to gro...