wulfenstraat's profile
AGE:
50
LOC: Carson, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 08
LOC: Carson, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 08
Former demographic statistician from Hawaii (12 years) and Zaire (3 years) now living in California (20 years).
I am using this site to refine my ideas before publication, posting various scenes with which I find difficulty and would appreciate insights from dedicated reviewers and writers.
Items
Version 1
14 Reviews
5 Comments
Hearing the familiar teeter-totter of rocking chairs on creaking boards, Faux turned his face from the charred shell of the barn to the stone-walled farmhouse. Squinting against the sun, he focused on what remained of the veranda, gazing upon the planked overhang which had caved in on the right side of the porch so that fire-blackened joists, jutting out from under partially burnt sheaves of thatch, cast long shadows across the yard. In his joose-wracked mind, he began to see ephemeral shape...
Version 1
19 Reviews
10 Comments
As the door continued to creak open, Preacher-Man, the flesh and blood of him, stumbled against the jamb, his eyes flashing disbelief at the spearhead protruding through the right side of his bare chest, a piece of bloody lung dangling on its serrated edge. Brigitte screamed at the sudden appearance of him, pinkly white but for his hands and face, the man totally nude, with blood gushing from his chest and groin. Tripping on the breechclout flap of her gown, she fell to her backside and lay ...
Version 1
12 Reviews
14 Comments
The room was poorly lighted by a single dusty taper, melted at the bottom to stand on a chipped cup plate; because the candle burned on one of the ornately chased nightstands against the wall, most of the room stood in shadow, deepening to darkness. Wide enough for two, the four-poster with its ruptured canopy and sagging mattress matched the nightstands, as well as the dresser and the highboy at the dark end of the room. All the furnishings ~ the laving dish in the form of a seashell, the v...
Version 1
8 Reviews
10 Comments
Impossible creatures crept and crawled through the lost and forgotten crevices of his mind, before he projected their crudities across the dreary landscape: half the truth and half the lie. With each step he took, trudging through the depths of sand with the two women behind him, Faux surveyed the vast open champaign, seeing it for the enormous shallow lake it had been during the Cretaceous Period, over a hundred million years before. Marveling at the prehistoric flora on the distant shore, ...
Version 1
8 Reviews
11 Comments
Sitting on Pious Rock, his left elbow on his raised knee, the thick carrying strap of his hunting rifle swinging slightly underneath his right elbow, Paul Radford trained the cross-hairs of his scope across the body-littered ground. Within that dark magnified circle, finding the boma alive with bloodhawks and hyenas tearing at the grayed human flesh, he spied on the dead and dying, seeing first a bald pate exploded under a high-impact round, seeing next a khaki-shirted chest wheezing bubbles...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Second stanza is great, not only because it is expressed well but because it's a truth we seldom think about, if ever. The first stanza, on the other hand, seems to be fishing for inspiration, with its most evident aspect being the long empty pauses between phrases, like a speaker who doesn't know what to say, "Uh, and uh." When the phrases are all connected without the empty spaces, it's all revealed to be very lackluster. But, if that's what you needed to come up with that pearl, it certain...
I'm having a hard time reviewing this blog after reading this line: "all of a sudden I’m a big know-it-all who could actually have the nerve to point out opportunities for improvement. I should be horse-whipped." You're a funny lady, and your imagination is whack, coming out of left field and smacking the reader on the other side of the head. That's real talent. Hope to read more of your stuff.
Sorry, that missed the mark. Read it out loud, and it doesn't flow as well as most limericks. In addition, that last line should be kickass. It falls flat because it doesn't really tie up with anything except the quality of the guy's voice. Also, Warrenton, wantin' and ranting don't rhyme. Warrenton (tun) doesn't rhyme with wantin' (tin) or ranting (ting). Hope that's helpful. Sorry, Smintboyuk, but you're usually very good. What happened? Or did I fail to catch some underlying theme that mak...
It takes a lot of skill to alliterate so brilliantly, though I must suggest alliteration works best when it's more subtle. Your poem shows your skill with language to the point that, as a chef, you appear to be using an awful lot of spice in this stew. A little spice properly sprinkled enhances the flavor; too much spoils the meal. As an exercise in word play, this poem shows how muscular you are; I mean those mental muscles are ripped. I believe you can do anything, and this poem proves you ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People



















