Nice piece of work. I enjoyed this very much and think it shows great promise. Your writing style is very easy to read. Thank you for sparing us the gruesome details of the actual rape and murder. So many writers today want to go into minute details of the act, but I much prefer your approach of just letting it end with him grabbing her and then moving on to the aftermath. Two small critical comments, 1) at the beginning, your descriptive pros are a little bit excessive. They are well done, b...

How many horror stories begin the way you began? Too many. We've seen this sort of beginning before: the prescient dream. Don't forget, you've got to capture your reader within the first few minutes. He's got plenty to do and too much to read. The way the story starts is cliched, so when you get a chance, do something else with Azana (nice name by the way, so is Taegon). I liked the way you created the parallel of the way they woke with the kitten drinking milk and the vampire drinking blood....

Except for the fact that you're a bit long-winded when it comes to constructing your sentences, this was extremely well-written. I normally don't like the first-person POV, since it doesn't really allow introducing an objective description of the main character. However, your introduction of the alternative universe that the story takes place in is superb. Might I suggest that you better describe your protagonist in chapter 2 for the reader's benefit, otherwise, we're going all over the map i...

That's smart, and it's a clever haiku focusing on what's happening now in this forum, not some random off-world half-thought. I've looked at what they call pro, and it's not really of much use. Save your dough. You're obviously too smart for this gambit. Also like your rating for PROlific. Wonder how that will turn out.

This has the potential to be a very good novel, but you need to make several decisions before you continue. Is this strictly all man-hating rants by a lesbianic future society, or are you going to define this pseudo-history as actually being biased because it's created by women without the counter-balance of the male point of view -- such as in the many wars we've fought where we, the victor, get to write the history books. By doing this, you would add another layer to your story, a historica...

Ooh, had a bit of a problem enjoying this poem, old buddy. I love the sentiment because that's how love should feel, but I had trouble with the words used. For instance, in order to make the lines rhyme, you sort of mangle some expressions, like forcing a round peg into a square hole. Of course, we're allowed to coin new words or expressions, and I have no problem with that; but we shouldn't coin a new fifty-cent piece out of wood, because silver and silver-plate are already good enough. By t...

It takes a lot of skill to alliterate so brilliantly, though I must suggest alliteration works best when it's more subtle. Your poem shows your skill with language to the point that, as a chef, you appear to be using an awful lot of spice in this stew. A little spice properly sprinkled enhances the flavor; too much spoils the meal. As an exercise in word play, this poem shows how muscular you are; I mean those mental muscles are ripped. I believe you can do anything, and this poem proves you ...

Sorry, that missed the mark. Read it out loud, and it doesn't flow as well as most limericks. In addition, that last line should be kickass. It falls flat because it doesn't really tie up with anything except the quality of the guy's voice. Also, Warrenton, wantin' and ranting don't rhyme. Warrenton (tun) doesn't rhyme with wantin' (tin) or ranting (ting). Hope that's helpful. Sorry, Smintboyuk, but you're usually very good. What happened? Or did I fail to catch some underlying theme that mak...

I'm having a hard time reviewing this blog after reading this line: "all of a sudden I’m a big know-it-all who could actually have the nerve to point out opportunities for improvement. I should be horse-whipped." You're a funny lady, and your imagination is whack, coming out of left field and smacking the reader on the other side of the head. That's real talent. Hope to read more of your stuff.

Second stanza is great, not only because it is expressed well but because it's a truth we seldom think about, if ever. The first stanza, on the other hand, seems to be fishing for inspiration, with its most evident aspect being the long empty pauses between phrases, like a speaker who doesn't know what to say, "Uh, and uh." When the phrases are all connected without the empty spaces, it's all revealed to be very lackluster. But, if that's what you needed to come up with that pearl, it certain...