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AGE:
27
LOC: Charlotte, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
LOC: Charlotte, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
I’m 24 years old from North Carolina and loving life. I spend my days dreaming about mountains and places I’ve yet to see, which is where a lot of what I write comes from. I’m just starting out and trying my hand at the whole writing thing. There’s much much more to me, a lot of which you can see in my works.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Don't wait for what the world has to give you, rather make something of yourself and give that to the world
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Osaka, Japan: Summer 1991 The warmth from the room was slowly disappearing as the moon moved up to its watchful perch high in the night sky. The house lay silent, empty, the occupants gone for the night at a relative’s house in a small town nearby. It was the perfect set-up. Everything was set. The rice paper shoji separating the Zen garden from the inside of the house slid open. The barrel of an M4 assault riffle appeared from around the corner, like a cold, black snake, pausing, aiming towa...
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Syracuse, New York: Winter 2006 The icy fingers of the outside air crept up the glass of the door, slowly fogging it over as it fought with the warmth from inside. At this time of night there were no large crowds of bodies to release heat in combat against the winters embrace. Jack shivered at the thought of having to leave the comfort of the warm interior of the building. He still wondered why he ever left Miami. There was happiness there, inviting warmth at all times. The sun seemed to live...
Version 2
6 Reviews
4 Comments
Syracuse, New York: Winter 2006 The icy fingers of the outside air crept of the glass of the door slowly fogging it over as it fought with the warmth from inside. At this time of night there were no large crowds of bodies to release heat in combat against the winters embrace. Jack shivered at the thought of having to leave the comfort of the warm interior of the building. He still wandered why he ever left Miami. There was happiness there, inviting warmth at all times. The sun seemed to live ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Syracuse, New York: Winter 2006 Jack Davis stood just inside the door of his office building dreading the cold that awaited him outside. Being a Florida native Jack hated the cold., why he moved to New York he did not know. A slight grunt from the night watchman interrupted Jack’s thoughts and reminded him of the task at hand. “Have a good one Bob.” Jack said as he pulled his trench coat tighter around him and prepared to leave the warmth of the building. The only response Bob was willing to ...
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Reviews
I enjoyed where you were going with the story. By the time you go to the overly long description of the pug I became very bored. It might be better to shorten that down a bit to keep interest high. Another thing is that you have a lot of run on sentences. Look at where most of your comas are and add a period, start a new sentence from there. I'm also confused as to what happend. Where's the rest of the story? How'd the dogs die? Why can we hear this dogs thoughts or voice? etc. There needs to...
It seems like there's a great deal of emotion in this poem. I personally just can't follow it. "fall down, through raging and sleep before dawn, unfortunate, recall what was horrid" that line really lost me. I spent a while trying to figure out what "through raging" was. I'm also not sure what's unfornate, the fact that it's before dawn, or the racalling of what was horrid? I know poetry's left to interpertation, but for me these lines are left a little too open to really make sense.
I really enjoyed your poem. I think that the last line "...but I never again tasted chocolate, bitter or sweet." made this poem extremely powerful and brought all of it together.
I really enjoyed the ending. I like how apathetic the cat was to the song. I'm not too fond of the begining though "In the space between time and nothing..." just seems out of place for this poem.
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