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xo_youngpoet_ox's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 26
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 26
My name is Jackie, and I’m 15 years young. I’ve loved the brute. I’ve experienced the agony. I’ve befriended the artificial. I’ve made horrible accusations on the innocent. I am human. I wish for every mistake to be my last, and my inspiration to write comes from within.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not stupid. I believe in myself, and I put a tremendous amount of effort into everything I do. I have a passion dancing, singing, drawing, acting, but most importantly, writing. I’ve never done anything notable, but I hope to someday.
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My name is Kelsey, and I'm only two, I'll tell you some of my favourite things to do! I love to dance, and play with dolls, I play dress-up 'til Mommy's boyfriend calls. I sing Humpty Dumpty, and I know my ABC's, I also sing with Barney, it's my favourite thing on tv. I like to watch Sesame Street, I think the Cookie Monster's the best, But you can talk to Mommy, she'll tell you all the rest. 'Cause there is a reason, that I started to write, Please don't ignore my wish, upon the stars so bri...
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Version 1
1 Review
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Beneath the surface, What sadly lies, Is a loss of purpose, And muffled cries. This innocent face, Has learned not to reveal, The story behind it, Everything that I feel. All of this anguish, All of this pain. This everlasting feeling, I cannot sustain. Who can endure, Such an unbearable trial, Unimaginable secrets, And constant denial? When does it end? But where does it begin? I'm caught in the middle, And it's under my skin. Stuck in my world, Of repugnance and spite. I went through the tu...
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This is such a cool, out-of-the-box type of thing. I really like the intensity at the beginning. You did really well describing everything, and I found that I had a really detailed image in my head of what was taking place. It kept me really into the story, and I love the element of mystery that's in this. Great job!
I really liked this piece! It's clear that a lot of thought was put into it! I don't really have any constructive criticism other than, some of the sentences you might want to break down a bit, either into 2 separate sentences, or one with a comma. I can't find a good example just quickly looking back over it, but it's just a general suggestion to make some things more clear. Great work!
This is extremely well-written and creative. I enjoyed reading it, and it inspired me to write like you! Well done!
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