xsashaxpatriciax's profile

AGE: 17
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 17

I am going to get a book published. I AM!I a more determied than ever to be able to write that amazing novel that deserves publication.
My solution? Write and rewrite until it’s better than good enough.
So one day look out for The Lying Dead (Die Litle Birdy [yes it has changed titles again]) in a book store.

Located in Brisbane, Australia I have been writing stories since I was a little kid. It was always a dream of mine to become an author. How innocent I was to ever think that was easy.
But I do still hope to one day honour that dream.

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Version 2

5 Reviews 1 Comment

Chapter Two Dedicated and Dead She staggered up the empty street only a little worse for wear. Blood dripped down her leg, scratches covered her body, and gash stretched across the top of her hand. Battled scars from yet another fight. One in which her assailant slowly drowned. She had seen better nights. Much better nights unlike this one upon this night. Nights filled with sugary surprises, sparks of light and glittering trees. That was when she had abided by the law, mind you. Now she hope...

Attract an agent or publisher for first time publishing

Crime, Thrillers & Mystery - Overall

Version 5

5 Reviews 2 Comments

Chapter One Right to Trespass? The corridor seemed to stretch forever. No pretty paintings and potted plants decorated it. The corridor was empty. Of decorations, plants, sound, furniture and life. Not completely but almost. For on a stiff, wooden seat sat a lone teenager. Nauseous she held her head in her hands as she silently waited. She didn't sit in a hospital awaiting news of a sick relative. She sat in the corridor of a place far less sympathetic. At least at a hospital bad news can com...

Attract an agent or publisher for first time publishing

Crime, Thrillers & Mystery - Overall

Version 3

7 Reviews 6 Comments

Epilogue Needing to Be Saved The stars shone down from the heavens upon the estranged teenager. Laying atop a picnic table Genevieve watched the night sky. She imagined the person, who would never come, watching he from so high up. The image her mind conjured showed the person wearing a smile. Yet, the more she thought about it, disappointment would be more realistic. She closed her eyes trying not to think about the ripple of disappointment in her life. Eleven years ago Genevieve had been on...

Attract an agent or publisher for first time publishing

Crime, Thrillers & Mystery - Overall

Version 1

3 Reviews 0 Comments

At six years old she lost her parents. She sat on her mother's death bed as she watched her mother's life stolen away. Her father soon followed with the aid of a single bullet. No one cared about a little girl who split into two at the horror of watching death take its course. They floated through life losing their faith, their ferility and then their freedom. Then, at sixteen, they took a chance. A chance at having a child to find it taken away from them. All because of one, little mistake. ...

Clarity

Novel Treatments - Overall

Version 1

11 Reviews 5 Comments

I wish I could jump down my hole, to die beside my victims.

To be different

Quotes - Overall

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Reviews

by MiaFoxx

Locked

by djini35

I envy those who can write poetry. This piece, so powerful. It almost made me cry. I could see the visuals you were aiming for which is great. Be warned, 'darkness' I took as this is during the night. But the rattling door makes me think it's day time. It's the connotations I received. "Just as it would. . ." You don't need the just so I'd ditch it. Wonderful piece. And sorry about your father. xsashaxpatriciax

by murraymurae

It's a very powerful piece. At fist with the middle section confused my. Then I understand what you were roughly aiming for. There's not a lot I can criticise because it was so powerful. Maybe a bit of grammar here and there but otherwise it's pretty good. BUT you will have to keep the rest of the story at the same powerful level. That'll keep attention etc. Goodluck xsashaxpatriciax

by meowby

Prologue: When listing adj remember commas. Last sentence I would split. 'How coud he . . . ? Her last thought . . .' Part One: Watch the use of 'was'. It' pasive and should be used as little as possible. You tend to use it at least once a sentence. Be careful. And dont replace 'was' with 'had been'. It's just as bad as 'was'. Look at breaking up your paraprhasing. Add in speech etc nd break up thoughts and actions. The use of, '"There was no . . ' The " is weirdly placed. I don't it's use. C...

by jcraig9218

Impression: good. It's different. Your image clarity is good. However; You do tend to overuse passive 'thingys'. Try to limit your usage. EG: 'was' 'were' 'wasn't' You wrote: "The other two people were outside somewhere." What about?: "Somewhere outside moved the other two people. And they . . ." To a reader it sounds more definit. Though sometimes there's nothing else to use. Review use of 'just' (should the word be 'only'?). Hope this helps. My thoughts are a little scattered. xsashaxpatric...

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