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yesandno's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Louisville, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 28
LOC: Louisville, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 28
I had counted five tall bourbons--neat, of course--when the words began to fall from his mouth to my hands like substantial rocks to be packed into my hip pockets. “Betrayal,” he said. “With friends like that…” I was tender, solicitous even, as I closed my hands around the rocks and tucked them away. His eyes didn’t focus anymore and he seemed to have forgotten who I was. I knew it was time to go, but I couldn’t move because my pockets were too full. I ordered another vodka.
Like the blood weakly pounding against the favorite-tee-shirt-worn-thin skin of your Grandmother’s hands. Like hearing a distant foghorn while overwhelmed with the smell of lilacs and the mist on your bare skin. Like the frozen moment when those thoughtless an…
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Agitated children milled around the classroom like gaseous atoms bouncing off one another, their direction determined mostly by what was in their way. The rain was coming down heavily, and there would be no outdoor recess that day. They had unprecedented freedom, as Mr. Mays had been busy with mysterious teacher work for the last ten minutes. Gradually, he became aware that they were on the edge of working themselves into a frenzy, and called them to attention. “Line up six chairs in th...
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Who ate the bag Of Winesap apples which was resting On the counter And that I was definitely Saving for my lunch? Godammit. They were perfect. So tart And then so sweet.
Version 1
10 Reviews
8 Comments
“I read your journal,” she said. “So?” said he. “So, I know you kissed her.” I should say at this point that she knows that he doesn’t think she’s special. He told her one time that so-and-so looked like a black-and-white film star when she smoked, as if poised for a witty quip. She asked him how she looked when she smoked, and he said she looked like a person who needed a cigarette. She envisioned a frowsy waitress on her three-minute smoke break, grease on her uniform, and her heart broke a...
Version 1
11 Reviews
15 Comments
“People see pictures in their minds? For real?” She was shocked by this as an unpublished but prolific writer; and therefore, as someone who thought she had a good idea about other peoples’ inner lives. Although she had often heard people talking about their “mind’s eye” she thought it was figurative—a cute way of describing the process of attaching words to memory, which differed so severely from the direct. She had never really considered that it could be literal. And now, upon discovering ...
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Version 1
18 Reviews
4 Comments
When the wealthy began renting the bodies of the poor, it barely made the news. Who paid attention to the news anymore? Jim heard about it on the street—heard it was a good way to make some punch. He started looking for a mark immediately. He’d been told it was hard to make an independent connection, but it could be done without an agency. He found her on his third day of searching. A Blue Lady, standing on the street corner, trying to look like she was just passing some time slumming on the ...
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As usual, I enjoyed your submission thoroughly! Two complaints, to start off: "It's going to be sticky--I just know." This sentence brings the rhythm to a complete halt very early in the paragraph. Too early, I think. Your rhythmic flow is so consistently fine that I find that I have to mention this. I am so particular. Tsk tsk. When discussing the nature of the relationship between Dr. B. and Dr. P. there is an abrupt and unannounced time shift when the rest of the bridge party shows up. I t...
Very well done. The writing is very good, and the dialogue excellent. While understated, the descriptions are convincing. I got a feel for Nadia's character very quickly, and sympathy followed. "It was soft and mildly amused, as though my impending death was a small dog’s trick." I liked this line very much. It was vivid and more idiosyncratic, and if you could fit in some more of this style of description I think this chapter would go from something that is very, very good to something that ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
“…torn apart in a clash of forks and a frenzy of tearing hands.” The redundancy of ‘torn’ and ‘tearing’ here doesn’t seem to work. Picky, picky. “…will certainly slug the kitchen right in the guts…” This recalls the pathetic mugging attempt in 1.1 (“handwarm handgun snug in the guts”.). I’m assuming that you did that on purpose, and I am torn about its efficacy. On the one hand, it’s a nice comparison and on the other, it is stumbling point because it’s not obvious enough, but just rings a be...
Characterization: To me, there is a pervasive sadness to Billy's voice, which may have something to do with the associations I have with alcohol problems, but I really think it comes from word choice and an over-awareness of self that is demonstrated. It is consistent, and somewhat heartbreaking, if also often very funny. Steven is a much subtler voice, which makes it less conspicuous, and will evidently take a bit more exposure to equal the character evidenced in the Billy sections. It's not...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
What a wonderful way to introduce a character. I am very curious about Allie Park—what is the source of and what will be the result of her ability to stop things. The contradiction between this ability to ‘stop’ and the repetition of the word ‘start’ at the end of the first paragraph and the beginning of the second—well, I just like it. You have such an ability to create pleasing juxtapositions of words and ideas—combinations that stimulate and set one up for the “pretty patterns” that will f...
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