ykm's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
Young yet with a pashion for poetry and writing, always enjoyed to hear how people express themselves through it and how you can get complicated and often truly deep messages across through a few words
Items
Version 2
4 Reviews
3 Comments
the eyes are blank they do not see they look on blind ignoring me yet trying helps at least inside I nod, I smile at least I tried the effort yet it bears no fruit me still alone she wont compute what if I spoke? a word a hint? a rhyme maybe? give her a glint to bring oneself to stop and say those three short words she might? she may inside myself I feel, I meant my lips stay sealed. she came and went
Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
The eyes are blank they do not see they look on blind ignoring me yet trying helps at least inside i nod and smile at least i tried the effort yet it bears no fruit me still alone she has no clue what if i spoke? a word a hint? a rhyme maybe? Silence a sin to bring oneself to stop and say those three short words she might? She may inside myself I feel and know my lips stay sealed she came and go
Version 1
16 Reviews
0 Comments
A cool breeze whispers, To a silent sea No sound or breath, or Single note set free Hence heaven found, and All now truly bliss The pool daren’t move, is Gem of deep abyss Yet stone now drops to Break and crack said pool From pool erupts a Searing change of rule As ripple spreads, and Scorching hell’s set free The pool becomes now Scorching pit, wild sea Reasoning void, we Hear the chilling cry No mortal safe, all Men are drowned and die If friend or foe, make Sure to stay away This lava pit ...
Version 1
18 Reviews
5 Comments
A lid half open, The mind half shut Hence sleep forthcoming No ifs or buts A yawn fulfilling The numbing stretch The half blurred vision A face is etched Not here nor there The in between Pass in and out The slate half clean Then bed sheet beckons The sandman calls Into his sweet, Embrace I fall Head falls on pillow The sweet release The deep breaths rhythmic And now there’s peace....
Version 1
24 Reviews
6 Comments
Deception received, From the trusted indeed The lies now set free We cry please lord no more... And the truth it does sting And the blood spatter rings Telling stories of springs The death winter brings The most wicked of times And the church bells will chime No human divine No peace in our time We cry please lord no more... Eyelids remain sealed To the sorrow, shan’t yield To the sadness we feel We cry please lord no more... And the gun blasts they pierce Breaking silence once fierce And the...
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Reviews
In 6 words you have managed to sum up the paths of so many, many congratulations.
I liked the poem, especially the powerful imagery throughout and the line "while a dying landscape more beautiful in death" a really powerful thing for death to be beautiful. I liked the structure so congratulations to you reviewer for sorting this, however "some when heads bent in prayer" should the when not be with? Also one final thing, i think the first stanza is the most powerful and i really think that you should try working the rest of the poem around that general structure or style, b...
I really enjoyed reading this poem and fully empathised with september being the month of beginning, time to cook, to do, for the ball to start rolling. However ive got a few points for you to work on. 1: The first 2 lines although they rhyme try and make them both have the same number of sylablles, this also applies to the lines from "so now the time" to the line "as a loving mother"...this will really increase the readability of the poem and make it flow easier. 2: The last line you have "t...
I really liked the imagery of the break of dawn here, it was really well played out and definitely a nice take on the thoughts one has as he ponders life and the dreams he had and now has. Im still young so still dreaming, interesting to see how life turns out. I particularly liked the last line of the poem "and i in it" it really summarised the whole direction of the poem, and everything you were trying to say came together well. Thanks for sharing.
I really admired the inspiration behind this poem and how you let yourself spill the emotion onto the poage so well, it was really well done flowing from one line to the enxt with ease, i especially really like the imagery you had in the line "that one true endless light", i pictured one being bdominated and taken over, jut lost in this pure otherworldy lightforce, really beautiful. The only thing id say is change the last 2 lines to something along the lines of, "As the great journey of your...
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